TABLE MANNERS
POLITICS IS BACK ON THE MENU AT THE DINNER TABLE. HERE ARE THE NEW COMMANDMENTS
IT USED TO BE AN UNSPOKEN RULE that you’d never discuss politics or religion in polite company, but it’s now impossible to avoid talk of Trump’s tweets – or human rights breaches closer to home – before the entrées have been served. So how to navigate controversial conversations and keep relationships intact? We asked four women who are well-versed in intelligent debate…
MAKE IT PERSONAL
“Most people talk about important issues related to politics in a personal way because our opinions are an extension of ourselves. If someone has a first-hand experience of the topic, their viewpoint needs to be valued. Listen with an open mind and heart – think about why a person has the opinion they are expressing and don’t be afraid to share a story of how your own views have been formed. Tell them you’ve appreciated the chance to hear new perspectives. If needed, a handy get-out-of-jail-free line is, ‘Shall we pick this up again after dinner?’” Philippa Hall, NSW convenor of the Women’s Electoral Lobby
AVOID GENERALISING
“Talk about issues and events, ideas and approaches, not individuals or groups or people. If you’re starting a sentence about ‘group X’ or ‘place Y’ being a particular way, stop and think about how you’d feel about that being said about you. Remember that the politicians or leaders of countries or groups don’t represent the way everyone in that community feels or thinks.” Councillor Jess Scully, City of Sydney
BASE YOUR DISCUSSION ON FACTS
“A great way to keep conversation respectful and constructive is to ask, ‘Can you explain to me why you think that?’ or, ‘Is there research on this I can look at?’ with a genuine desire to understand, rather than dismiss and debunk.” Sally Rugg, executive director of campaign platform Change.org
DON’T ARGUE FOR ARGUMENT’S SAKE
“Avoid topics that veer into hypothetical or devil’s advocate-style debates about people who are present at the table – for example, bringing up adoption for samesex couples when you’re in the presence of your gay cousin and Vaguely Homophobic Aunt Helen. A major form of self-care is knowing when butting heads isn’t going to do anything but cause upset. That, and a third helping of pavlova.” Deirdre Fidge, writer
KNOW WHEN TO DROP IT
“You don’t want to ruin a dinner by arguing with someone who’s never going to entertain your views with any validity. Say, ‘Let’s agree to disagree. I don’t want debate to turn into argument.’ Going around in circles is boring. Have conviction, yes, stand your ground, discuss issues with integrity – but don’t be a total party pooper. No-one wants to have to navigate a dog with a bone.” E Pandora Sykes, journalist and co-host of The High Low podcast