PRIVACY NOTICE
TORMENTED? DRIVEN WITLESS? FEAR NOT, HELP IS JUST A SHORT LETTER AWAY
INDECENT PROPOSAL
I have a team of engineers, all men, who work for me. In the past few months, one of them has written three emails to me proclaiming his affection. I ignored them. Then, while he was away on business, he sent me a two-page handwritten letter about his longing for me. I’m not interested. When he returned from the trip, I met with him to tell him this was unprofessional and inappropriate. I didn’t realise how angry I’d become until I was sitting there. I told him it was harassment and that if he sent another email, I would take it to HR. I left, shaking. Then in the afternoon he sent an email apologising, but continued talking about his love. I am livid. I now want to offer him early retirement (or severance only) and get him out of the company as quickly as possible. Am I overreacting? – FURIOUS Furious, my favourite: Turn the matter over to HR. Let them decide what to do. As for “overreacting”? Woman! I’m all for love, but the rage boiling within your brain is righteous! This man is defying your orders, destroying a congenial workplace and bombarding you with unwanted declarations again and again. You are his boss. You ask, “Is this overreacting?” Own it! Honour it! Be angry! Be infuriated! Don’t swallow it. Don’t question it. I’m sorry you have to go through this. And I’m sorry for the poor chap, too. But we’re living in a time of revolution. In the end, it will be angry women who change the world.
GUESTS OF DISHONOUR
An awful couple were supposed to be witness at our wedding – they didn’t show up and they were the only people invited. The guy is my husband’s best friend. Now they’re coming to town, and my husband wants me to join him when they visit. I can’t stand them! What’s the proper etiquette? – NEWLY WED Newly, my love: Do what Erasmus, the Miss Manners of the Renaissance, advised: respond to the foul couple’s inexcusable conduct with the charm of your own manners. Go! Your husband will love you for it. (And owe you one.)
My boyfriend and I have our struggles. But with him, arguments and fights just emphasise how 100 per cent sure I am that this is the man for me. Which is why I’m so dissatisfied with our sex life. Honestly, I don’t even remember the last time either of us finished during sex. Making love is infrequent. When it does happen, it’s hard for me to stay in the moment. I also feel such pressure to help him achieve pleasure. He’s had to stop several times because my dryness is hurting him. How embarrassing! When I try to guide him to show him what feels good to me, it doesn’t work. And he’s not at all comfortable showing me what he likes. He just gets upset with me for making him “feel pressured”. Should I stop trying?
When we’re outside, or on the sofa, I try to tease him, but he brushes my hand away, annoyed. It’s hurtful and frustrating. This is not what I want my sex life to be. What should I do? – DISSATISFIED
Dissatisfied, my darling: He fights. He fumes. He fizzles and fumbles in bed. Where’s the excitement? Where are the orgasms? It’s letters like this that get men so disliked in the Ask E Jean column. He is surely not the man for you. I repeat: he is not the man for you.
THREE’S A CROWD
My boyfriend has a beautiful inner-city studio apartment. When we first started dating, his cousin moved to town and was trying to get on his feet. While looking for a place, he crashed at my boyfriend’s. Now it’s seven months later, and he’s still sleeping on the couch. This is ruining our intimacy and private time. I would love to come home to my boyfriend’s place after work (I have a busy job in PR), but there sits the cousin! I have three roommates and can’t bring my boyfriend back to my place. I’ve asked my boyfriend numerous times why he won’t ask for a night alone. But he refuses to do anything and suggests we visit hotels. I’m so over this. He’s putting his cousin before me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? – FRUSTRATED GIRLFRIEND Frustrated, my friend. I love you, PR Girl, but it’s 2019 for godsakes! Either put your professional skills to use and better articulate your frustrations, or get your own apartment. Ask a question: tweet @ejeancarroll