HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT

WE KNOW BY NOW THAT WOMEN NEED TO MAKE THEIR OWN OPPORTUNITIES. FIVE TOP NEGOTIATORS REVEAL THE ART OF THE DEAL

THE LITERARY AGENT

Jacinta di Mase is a literary agent who set up her eponymous management company in 2004. She spends most of her days negotiating publishing offers and contracts on behalf of her authors, and after 20 years’ experience, knows negotiating is all about “staying focused on the issue at hand”.

“My advice is to keep an open mind – don’t go in with too many preconceptions. Be willing to learn and try new things. Try to listen to what the other person is actually saying, rather than thinking about what you’re going to say next. Keep meticulous records and file them properly – my style is to start a negotiation in writing so there’s a point of reference there.

I learnt all this on the job through listening, being curious and asking lots of questions. My style is quite circumspect; I like to think about things and sit on them for a little while.

If I want to make a change to a contract or publisher offer, I make sure I can support my view with research. I don’t necessarily bombard the publisher with all of the reasons, but I have them up my sleeve in case they push back. You need to know what’s negotiable and what’s not.

Also, come to them with solutions – if I have a problem or something I want to change, I have two or three solutions ready so it doesn’t stall things.

We deal with so many professional, clever, articulate women every day – it’s not the case at all that women don’t or can’t negotiate.”

THE HUMAN-RIGHTS LAWYER

During Gillian Triggs’ five-year term as President of the Human Rights Commission, her inquiry into children in immigration detention paved the way for the removal of every child from Nauru, and she also fought to protect the Racial Discrimination Act, which the Abbott government wanted to water down. These days, Triggs is chair of Justice Connect (a charity that connects underprivileged people with legal assistance) and Vice-chancellor’s Fellow at the University of Melbourne. She says negotiating and butting heads with government figures taught her to “remain calm and never take it personally”.

“In any negotiation or persuasive role, you have to understand the position of the other side. There’s no point asking for something you know they can’t or won’t give you. I say, ‘I understand you’ve got limitations, but within those limitations this is what we want.’ And I’m fairly direct: ‘This is why I’m here. This is my pitch. This is what we’re looking for. Would you be willing to come with us to the party?’ That’s almost invariably successful.

Asking for money isn’t negotiating; it’s persuasion. You have to engage them at a very personal level, and you have to do your homework beforehand to know what will engage them. That’s one key to persuasion. You also have to be authentic and courteous. And keep a good sense of humour. Don’t retreat into self-pitying fury or anger because you haven’t got what you want. I found men can be angry, but a woman cannot, even for a fraction of a second. But women have all the skills to be very good at negotiation because they’re willing to put their egos to one side. They don’t have to win; they want to bring people together. It’s about getting a compromise that can work for all parties.”

THE NOT-FOR-PROFIT PERSUADER

Antoinette Braybrook is a Kuku Yalanji woman who has been CEO of Djirra (formerly the Aboriginal Family Violence Prevention & Legal Service Victoria) for 17 years. Braybrook explains how her culture influences problem solving: “The traditional way has very clear ideas around what’s women’s business and men’s business, but there were times when the women and men elders would come together to decide when something was everyone’s business. Conflicts were resolved because we understood exactly where we were, and that’s something I’ve tried to bring through [my career].”

“In some settings, I think it’s harder for women to negotiate. I’ve been sitting in a room with politicians who have talked over the top of me and pointed down at me. And I’ve walked out of meetings because I’ve been abused by men. It’s not an easy decision to walk, because that means you’re silenced – they got what they wanted. But I also had to take a stand and let the people in that room know this is everything I stand against.

When I walk into a negotiation, it’s different every time. I always like to make sure I’m well informed before I go in – what are the pros and cons for each side? I have a plan in my head about what I want to push for.

I’m not very good at selling myself. But I’m so passionate about the silencing and invisibility of Aboriginal women in the policy space that I can sell that. What I’ve learnt is that you need to know exactly what you want, inform yourself, do that research before you actually build your case. And persist!”

THE FEMALE RECRUITER

To start Talent Gap – a female-focused recruiting company for the mining, construction and engineering industries – Siobhan Savage had to apply to the Anti-discrimination Board and explain why her company should be allowed to focus solely on women. And she succeeded. In this, as in all negotiations, Savage says “you have to outline a very clear case [for what you want], and I made my message very clear. Getting the exemption shows that the government is supporting more female representation.”

“Always ask what the budget for the role is on that first telephone meeting. That’s the nicest time to ask because it’s not aggressive; it’s not a big negotiation. If the recruiter says they don’t have a budget, that’s not true – they always know what the role’s worth. And if they say, ‘The budget’s a bit loose,’ ask, ‘So what would my peers at the same level be earning, roughly?’ Then you’ll know that information the whole way through your recruitment process, which gives you a lot more power. But also do your market research. It’ll give you an indicator, and that information is power.

If you’re looking to get a pay raise or promotion, you need to put forward a case about the value you bring. The best negotiations are the unemotional ones – they’re not about, ‘I feel I should be paid more because I work 80 hours a week.’ Know your market value. When they say, ‘We’ll come back to you,’ say, ‘Great, I look forward to your email.’ Email makes it easier to respond in a business fashion.

There are so many people in jobs they hate, where they’re undervalued. My advice is pretty clear: if your job is shit, leave. There’s never been a better time to be a woman, because now companies are starting to realise they need to behave differently and attract more women. There are so many great jobs out there.”

THE SOCIAL-JUSTICE CAMPAIGNER

Dr Barri Phatarfod is a GP who founded the not-for-profit Doctors 4 Refugees in 2013. She negotiates with MPS and persuades community groups of the benefits of medical access for refugees every day. “I went from thinking I was alone in caring, to seeing all these doctors from around Australia saying, ‘Thank goodness you’re doing this, I feel the same way.’” For Dr Phatarfod, successful negotiations come from having an understanding of the other side’s arguments. “Becoming familiar with the other side is really important. If someone’s mind is already made up, making an excellent [counter] point doesn’t change it. I learn how they think and where they’re coming from, so it’s easier to find common ground.”

“Women should negotiate from their strength, which I think is being able to look at the situation from the other side’s point of view. Many women realise power comes from harnessing people’s individual strengths, so if we all work well together, we can achieve something great for everyone – whereas, often, men have that mindset of a finite pie, and the piece you’ve got means a piece someone else is not going to get.

At Doctors 4 Refugees, pointing out the medical facts and not deviating from our area of expertise is very important when it comes to being persuasive. We focus on what we know and what can be validated, and that’s been key to getting successful outcomes. That certainly works for getting a pay rise. Know the facts in your particular area of expertise.”