ask e jean
TORMENTED? DRIVEN WITLESS? FEAR NOT, HELP IS JUST A SHORT LETTER AWAY
ON THIN ICE
I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be in love. I’m a 27-year-old woman who’s been single for years. I’ve tried online dating and met some nice guys, but since my last serious relationship ended, I’ve felt absolutely nothing — not even a twinge of romance. One gentleman in particular was fantastic. However, no matter what we tried, nothing. This dreadful feeling has been made worse with the loss of my grandmother and my cat in the same month, which really sent me into a tailspin. I feel like I have an icy, black heart. It seems like such a ridiculous question, but what can I do to make myself feel again? – FROZEN Frozen, my goose bump: Who said you must be in love with a man right this very minute? Leave that heart of yours in the freezer, girl! Revel in your liberty. It’s an Ask E. Jean law: One woman’s freedom from love is the next woman’s torment thanks to love. This law, however, does not pertain to kittens. Kittens are alien geniuses. Kittens hold the secret to “making yourself feel again”. And one is waiting for you at the shelter.
EGGS IN ONE BASKET
My husband and I just had a beautiful baby girl (now three months old). I’m 36 and would like to get pregnant again soon, but I’m worried about two things: First, that it will harm my reputation in the business world if I get pregnant and take another maternity leave; second, that these are the prime years to grow my career, relocate to new cities, etc. So I’m concerned about taking on a new job with a baby at home and needing to put in long hours, and not being a good mother to my daughter and wife to my husband. I wish I didn’t feel this way in 2019, but why must I compromise my family or professional goals? – NON-COMPROMISER Non, my nasturtium: The only reason to have children is to enjoy them, right? So you’re asking the wrong question, my love. The question is not career or family. The question is, just how much more enjoyment can you stand? If you answer, “Lots more enjoyment,” which means lots more babies rather quickly, then your career, though valorous and important, will take a back seat. However, if you decide to enjoy the baby you have for a couple of years and freeze your eggs, you might attain the flexibility to plan your professional moon shots and have as many kids as you’d like, though not all in a burst. Good luck! You may now pour us all a glass of wine.
WORK IT OUT
I’ve always struggled with self-confidence, at least professionally. Fortunately, I’m pleased that my career is flourishing at a prestigious law firm. However, I have a female colleague who publicly maligns my ideas. (This has been a running theme for an entire year.) She approves of nothing that I do and barely hides her contempt for my intelligence; yesterday, she wrote an email to my boss about how my work sucks. I cried in my office. Aside from her email yesterday, there’s little concrete proof that she’s targeting me deliberately. She knows how to make me feel unwelcome without coming off as a bully or harasser. My boss, who has never managed people before, is in way over his head and has brought in HR to help. They believe she and I are just struggling with poor communication. I am 100 per cent sure that “communication” is not the issue. The worst part: It’s damaging my self-esteem. How do I stop this woman from getting to me? – Impostor Syndrome Impostor, my parsnip: “Contempt” for your intelligence? Bah! Fear of your intelligence is more like it. I looked you both up – thank you for sending the Linkedin links – and I see that you’re not only wittier and probably smarter than she is, but you’re also 15 years her junior, with your own cool feminist podcast. Of
course, the poor woman wants you out. Stand up, Impostor! You’re the real deal! Defend your ideas! Prove her wrong! (Is that enough exclamation points?) Ask a question: tweet @ejeancarroll