ASK E JEAN
TORMENTED? DRIVEN WITLESS? FEAR NOT, HELP IS JUST A SHORT LETTER AWAY
Tough-love advice from ELLE’S Agony Aunt.
BROKE BUT NOT BROKEN
I barely make my rent every month. I’m 31, single and ambitious, and live in a big city. I’m not complaining – I have a studio apartment to myself, I’m employed and healthy, and I have good friends. I love my life, but I’ve got nothing saved, only $7 in my account. I’m selling my clothes to cover the rest of my rent, and I’m beginning to wonder how I’ll survive. How can I lead an interesting life without money? Any tricks you’ve picked up along the way? I’d love to hear your take on how to live on a miniscule budget. – Baked Beans Forever BB, my young possum: I ran around New York with one pair of jeans, two shirts, a fringed jacket and a cattle dog named Tits. I lived in a basement hovel with no floor, kitchen or shower. I stole food, picked clothes out of rubbish bins, romped through the streets at 4am like a mad dingo and, by God, I thought I was rich. Of course, this was in the ’80s – I didn’t continually see things I didn’t have on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. If so, I suspect I, too, might have succumbed to the dreadful existential depression described in so many letters sent to me by you and your peers.
So the best tricks I know, Miss BB? Change jobs. Don’t wait. Do it even if you don’t feel ready. Or better yet, invent a job. I dreamt up so many jobs and companies for myself – three while I was studying alone – that I ended up actually making money once or twice. And I’m still inventing jobs: right now, I’m conducting The Most Hideous Men In NYC Walking Tours, where we visit the haunts of Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein and other gropers and grabbers to see the spots where brave women have stood up and said, “Enough!”
GREEN IS THE NEW BLACK
Losing my boyfriend is my top fear. We’ve been together a year, and he’s so wonderful, always making me laugh and feel valued. But I’m turning into the kind of girlfriend I despise. I’m jealous of the other people in his life. We’re both working our first jobs out of university and he has a lot of friends, all of whom he’s very close to. He’s naturally charming and has a flirty personality. It can catch me off-guard, and I think he’s starting to resent my comments about his interactions with others. He says it’s like I don’t trust him. How do I kill the green-eyed monster who’s slowly strangling my relationship with him? – I Don’t Recognise Myself
Recognise, my radish: He may be a fine chap, but I can safely assume his “naturally flirty” BS would make most partners jealous. Explain that to him, let him know how you’re feeling and ask him to cool it. Lord! I hate it when smart women are so quick to blame themselves.
MAKING IT PUBLIC
I don’t like announcing to thousands of people on Facebook that I’m attending an event. My boyfriend does, and I told him I dislike it. He essentially said this is the way he does things – he uses Facebook Events as his calendar. I was on my way to work and said I wanted to talk about it later. He texted back that “there’s nothing to talk about” – that he does things his way, and I do things my way. “I’ll be me; you be you.” What? He’s not even willing to talk about it? – Is He This Childish?
Childish, my iris: I agree: don’t announce, just go. But it’s not worth the fight. If he’s unwilling to discuss more important matters in the future, however (if, for instance, he’s as self-centred in bed as his “I’ll be me; you be you” philosophy indicates), you must reassess the joys of having a pigheaded control freak as a boyfriend.
FORBIDDEN LOVE
Can chemistry be one-sided? I’m his 49-year-old professor; he’s 27. I’m insanely attracted to him. I know it sounds delusional, and I harbour no hope nor intention for a relationship. But even walking close to him, the electricity feels like I am going to explode. The tone in his voice and the way he looks at me make the situation almost unbearable. Could someone that young possibly be attracted to a much older person? – Bad Teacher Professor Bad: It’s not only possible, it’s delicious. Wait until he’s no longer your student, throw a cocktail party, invite him as a guest and… well, I think he’ll pass your entrance exam. E
Ask a question: tweet @ejeancarroll