ASK E JEAN

TORMENTED? DRIVEN WITLESS? FEAR NOT, HELP IS JUST A SHORT LETTER AWAY

Tough-love advice from ELLE’S agony aunt.

SEPARATE LIVES

My husband of three years is getting harder and harder to live with. We now split the bill at restaurants, and when we shop for groceries, he only pays for his items. We also sleep in separate bedrooms. Whenever I try to speak with him, he gets verbally abusive. What should I do?

– Asunder

Asunder, my azalea: Many partners live in a state of delight because they split everything, but by Gawd! No woman needs to hear torrents of abuse. If he can’t make an effort to be more engaging, tell him you’d like separate divorce lawyers. (And I don’t need to mention that you should secure your personal bank accounts, investments and insurance before you initiate this little conversation, do I?)

OH, BABY

I’m 37 and I am starting to get worried. I want a family, but all the guys I meet are inconsiderate and only interested in one thing. I meet many men who already have children, and most do not want more. Some don’t even want marriage. I worry that I can’t waste time. I’m afraid I’ll be 47 one day and my opportunity for children will have passed. Of course, a lot of people say to adopt, but I really want to carry the child. I’m sick of men telling me I’m too old!

– Desperate To Be A Mum Desperate, my dandelion: Why let men dictate your future? If you are “sick of men” telling you that you’re “too old”, and if you want a baby, then have a baby. Go to a sperm bank. Or if you wish to wait and meet a decent chap with whom to have a baby, freeze your eggs. Either way, your future looks bright.

TIGHT FIT

I recently started wearing leggings. My wife hates them, especially when I wear them out in public. Do you think I should respect her wishes and not wear them? Or should I refuse to let her dictate my fashion choices? How can we come to a happy medium?

– Leggings Husband Mr Husband: Although I believe that wives should dictate everything, they are your legs. If you wish to embellish your local scene by going about in leggings and looking like Sir Walter Raleigh, please do, Hub. But remember what happened to Sir Walter. Queen Elizabeth I grew to adore him no matter what he wore, but James I removed not his leggings, but his head.

DRAW THE LINE

What’s the right way to respond to getting hit on? I get everything from sweet compliments to dirty remarks. If a man is genuinely crossing the line, I completely understand a strong response. But some things that other women may complain about don’t really bother me. Calling a woman beautiful? Checking her out? Honestly, I tend to laugh things off. Is that the “right” reaction?

– Bad Feminist

Bad, my darling: The only 100 per cent guaranteed way to stop men from “crossing the line” is to use a tranquilliser gun. In the #Metoo era, each woman has to decide where her own line is and how firmly she will prevent each boss, preacher, teacher, co-worker, old friend and stranger from crossing it. She alone determines which reaction is “right” for her. And by each of us choosing for ourselves, we empower all womankind. E