And the winner is?

For £14k, I’d want a beach house in Lyme Regis as well as one of these Italian beauties – and a blipper. We’re now approaching litre bike pricing territory without litre bike performance or gizmos, although splendour, Italian suave and ownership appeal offer some redemption. That said, the whole point of these super middleweights is a more manageable alternative to the 200bhp and involuntary euthanasia that today’s 1,000cc brigade bring to the party – something both the F3 and 959 pull off with consummate ease. In a world of dreary four-pots that all feel the same, this pairing manage to supply idiosyncrasies and bucketfuls of character that only they can.

As manufacturers cease to build shit bikes, it’s slowly boiling down to what flavour of bike tickles your todger. When capturing the light correctly, this matt black F3 could well act as a Viagra supplement – even with the Euro-derived elephantiasis exhaust. Horsey people and devout film lovers/novelists have been in uproar, as the term Black Beauty has been filed for exclusive use on MV’s revised-for-2018 middleweight.

IT’S EASIER TO RIDE FAST, ALTHOUGH MOST WILL FALL IN LOVE FASTER WITH THE DUCATI.

Thanks to some minor but meaningful upgrades, the F3 800 is now more of a complete package. There’s still a miniscule (and valid) argument that buying an MV is a gamble as uncertainty over the Varese factory’s future still looms, but as long as they keep churning out golden nuggets like the new F3, there shouldn’t be any issues.

And what of the Ducati? Well, it’s strange to even consider the 959 getting old, although the natural course of events suggests we’ll see a smaller brother to the V4 in a few years. If we’re talking the usual

Fast Bikes testing protocol, the MV Agusta has to claim a marginal victory. It’s sportier, carries more outright pace and is undoubtedly faster against a stopwatch. In fact, most will go faster on the MV. It’s easier to ride fast, although most will fall in love faster with the Ducati – evidently so judging by the sales figures. It’s a bike that offers an intangible connection and that flavour mentioned earlier. A flavour that I just can’t ignore.