CALLTHATA BADGE? ISABADGE…

FINLAND

Based in Rovaniemi, hometown of legendary gift-bestower Father Christmas, these third-tier Laplanders obviously play in red – and their emblem looks exactly like something you’d see on the wall of a bleak shopping-centre grotto, with the elf-enslaving festive overlord scrutinising a tedious list of requests for Nerf guns, Minion figurines and Lego.

THAILAND

Batistuta, Walter Samuel and Mauricio Pochettino? Who cares –”it says NOB on their shirt!

SINGAPORE

There’s so much to love here. The S.league side are known as The Bulls, so naturally their logo features a huge critter in full kit and a shiny red dunce’s hat. He’s either keeping goal or performing some sort of happy-hands jig, and unlike most over-stern badge-based bullocks, he’s grinning ear to ear. Hereford, take note.

MEXICO

of convenient leg-like roots for kicking, a superb presence in either box and a bushy ’do to belittle Marouane Fellaini, he seems exactly the oak to solve San Marino’s issues upfront.

GABON

on the goalmouth – the sort of incompetence that would make renowned tactics scribe Jonathan Wilson invert his own pyramid in horror. No wonder this attack-happy mob won just two of 27 Bangladesh Premier League games in 2013-14.

NORWAY

Undoubtedly the most fabulously camp image in world football, FC Show’s crest features a dandy-slashwaiter-slash-footballer in a pink waistcoat unveiling a silver platter of delicious soccer. Focused on ‘unity, respect and diversity’, this outfit – the team, not the waistcoat, which sadly is not part of the official club kit – play in the seventh tier and also have competitive cheerleading and rugby teams. Why not, eh?

history and ethos in one simple It’s not easy to portray your club’s

two Eskimos scrapping over a seal crest, but you could always sketch

FINLAND

Finns aren’t known for frivolity, so a fourth-tier team called ‘Sexy Pants’ is a surprise. The Laaksolahti side were forced to shorten their name to Poxyt by fun-hating administrators in 2011, but their badge still features a pair of shapeless grey slacks being worn by a massive cartoon ball. Sexy football? Not so much.

GREENLAND

fishing hotspot Disko Bay – have a glorious emblem that depicts two boys in cagoules and Ugg boots fighting over possession of a seal. Well, you’ve got to have a hobby.