Les Ferdinand: king of wheelies

Sir Les advises FFT on how to pop a wheelie and redecorate the lounge – though not at the same time

Hi Les. Can we start with a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors over the phone? Hi. Sure, why not? You just do one with your hand, and then we’ll tell you what we’ve got. Go on then. I’m ready. We’ve got paper. I’ve got scissors. Unlucky. Gah! We thought you’d be a rock man. You’ve got to vary it. That’s the secret. How do you feel about your victory? Delighted. I’ve had some great victories in my time, but this really tops the lot. Nice. You’re embarking on a charity cycle ride, so how’s your pedalling? Not bad. Since my retirement, I can’t do any running – my knees give me so much gip – so I’ve got quite into cycling. How long do you think it’d take you to complete the Tour de France, if Chris Froome needs three weeks? The Tour would take me three months! Were you one of the kids who could ride for ages while doing a wheelie? I was. My dad bought me a racer but I customised it: I got new handlebars, stripped it to bits and sprayed it silver. There was this kid called Andy on the estate where I grew up and he could do wheelies for days, so I would try to wheelie the length of the walkway. It was during the days of the BMX craze, so I was doing bunny hops – the lot. You share a birthday with England legend Sir Geoff Hurst and singer Sinead O’connor. Which would you rather go on a barge holiday with? I love Sir Geoff Hurst – he’s a great fella – but I’d go for Sinead all day long. I’m a big fan of hers. I think she’s brilliant. Ever got plastered and attempted Nothing Compares 2 U on the karaoke? No, but I’ve had a go at Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye. I think I sound amazing but the people around me disagree. Sir Geoff told FFT that in the event of his own murder, he’d want Sherlock Holmes on the case. Which fictional TV sleuth would probe your slaying? Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau – at least there would be some comedy, though he’d never get to the bottom of who did it. But that doesn’t matter as I’m dead and buried now, aren’t I? Let’s change topic. You can play the saxophone – why do pop tunes never feature a good sax solo any more? Music is just electronic and synthesised these days, isn’t it? Nobody wants to learn a proper instrument... but I am keeping at it. For my 50th birthday last December, I got some lessons booked with a fantastic teacher. It’s a very hard instrument to play – there’s a lot going on – but I’m going to reacquaint myself with the sax. I’m looking forward to it. One fact that everyone knows, so we feel duty-bound to trot out, is that you worked as a painter-decorator. Any tips for livening up our lounge? Just get someone else to do it, mate! I prefer to stand on the sidelines and tell them they’re doing it wrong. And if you can’t do that, then get a roller – that always made my life much easier. They do get some strange colours in the decorating these days. Grape Jamboree. Xanadu. Masquerade. They’ve gone mad. You don’t know what’s black and what’s white any more. It’s all ‘mocha’ or something. I’d get confused in a paint shop now. Lastly, it’s been erroneously reported over the years that, as a youngster, you were involved in the trashing of the Blue Peter garden back in 1983... Yes it has, and I would like to confirm once again that I wasn’t guilty! …but if you knew you could get away with trashing anything, without any comeback, what would you ransack? Oh, that’s a tricky one. The only place I don’t really like is the dentist, so I’ll go for that, maybe – although my dentist is lovely so I wouldn’t do that to them. Fair enough. Thanks for chatting!

Les takes part in Football to Amsterdam from June 9-11 for Prostate Cancer UK. To help Team QPR to reach the £15,000 target, visit justgiving.com/teams/qpr