Lee Trundle on kisses, smoking and overpriced Batman suits

When he’s not texting kisses to FFT, the ex-swansea showboater heads straight to Gotham City

Hi Lee. We texted briefly before this interview and you put a nice kiss at the end of the message. It’s our first ever text kiss from a footballer, so we wanted to thank you… Ha, no worries. I stick a kiss at the end of everything – texts, tweets, Instagram. To me, it can look a bit unfriendly if you don’t. It has a strange feel to it if there isn’t a kiss at the end. How many kisses does Mrs Trundle get on her texts? Oh, she gets about eight on hers. Loads. Do you sometimes choose not to send a kiss, to show you’re in a mood? Hmm. If we’d had an argument, then sometimes a text will come back with no kisses on it. That’s when you know you’re in trouble. We recently read on Twitter someone reminiscing about your name being on the wall of a Chinese takeaway in Swansea, with ‘important customer’ written next to it... Ha. That’s not true! It’s probably been made up by some Cardiff fan, trying to make a jibe at my weight. There’s a lot of strange stuff put on Twitter. If I had seen that tweet, I would have replied! How tidy is your email inbox, Lee? Do you have 4,738 unread messages? No, I couldn’t cope with that. I delete emails a few times per day. I’ve never had the inbox totally empty, because I will keep the ones I really need, but it’s always at a minimum. Leon Britton showed me his inbox once and he had 13,000 unread messages. I don’t think I could handle that. He doesn’t care... Do you reckon Leon Britton’s house is a tip, seeing as he apparently can’t maintain a neat inbox? You know, Leon’s actually quite neat in everyday life, so I’m not sure if there’s a connection. I’m tidy too, though. As I walk around the house, I’ll always be picking toys up off the floor, bits from the doll’s house and so on. Who would you call if you needed to move a dead body? Good one. Er, probably Lee Bevan, my mate who plays centre-half at Llanelli. He wouldn’t ask questions – he would just come over and do it for you. With this sort of situation, you could phone him and he’d say, “I’ll be there.” He’s not a sinister bloke – he’s just helpful. Where would you take the corpse? Penllergare Woods, if you’re looking round the Swansea area. Good tip, thanks. Now, changing the subject, were you ever displeased with the surname Trundle, given the fact that your job involves running? I’m not bothered. Let’s be honest: I was never the fastest, so the name probably suited me. I had quick feet, but apart from that… no. The surname is a little unusual. I think it goes back to Ireland. Have you ever bought anything daft? Once, for fancy dress at Swansea, I got a properly expensive Batman suit – the sort you would put on a mannequin as a really good display item. I only wore it once and now it’s folded up inside the garage. It wasn’t good value. What do you think should be dubbed the eighth deadly sin? Smoking. I hate the smell – always have. Remember the advert where Superman would crush that packet of cigarettes? I used to do that to my mum’s ciggies. I’d get a clip around the earhole. And what’s your oddest dream ever? I regularly have the one where I get my teeth knocked out. I should have looked into what that means by now. Shall we Google it now? Why not? [Performs bizarre web search] There’s a site called teethfallingoutdream.org. You’re not going to like this – it claims the dream is about sexual repression. [Manic Trundle laughter] Sounds about right, that! Haha! It also mentions a fear of ageing. Maybe that’s it, as I’m trying to hang in there. The club I’m playing for now has over-50s, so perhaps I’ve got a chance. Keep going, Lee. Keep hanging onto those gnashers! Cheers mate!

“REMEMBER THE ADVERT WHERE SUPERMAN WOULD CRUSH CIGGIES? I USED TO DO THAT TO MY MUM’S”