AROUND THE WORLD In 12 STORIES

It’s been a month for meeting your heroes: Sean Dyche pays tribute to Timmy Mallett, while Floyd Mayweather is left awestruck by the pure majesty of Miralem Pjanic

1 SPIDERMAN’S HAVING A PARTY England Leicester

The usual suspects were on show when Leicester trained in front of the cameras in January: Demarai Gray, Spiderman, Andy King... hang on – Spiderman?

Fine, it was Jamie Vardy in the Spidey suit. The bantersmith dressed as Peter Parker’s alter ego and leapt out from a bush to surprise his manager, Claude Puel, before training in full costume. Bafflingly, Puel’s only explanation was, “We need a superhero”. What next: Harry Maguire as Wonder Woman?

2

POLITICAL FOOTBALL England Bishop’s Stortford

Boreham Wood and Bishop’s Stortford are rivals on Hertfordshire’s non-league scene, and now they’re even competing over which club is the most Brexit.

Boreham Wood released a bizarre 1,500-word rant on their website which urged Theresa May and her government to “stop scaremongering us all about a NO DEAL” (caps lock theirs). Bishop’s Stortford then put a photo of Jacob Rees-mogg by the turnstiles – though they added a picture of Rachel Riley, for balance. Quite the combination.

3 FLOYD MAYWEATHER: MIRALEM PJANIC’S NO.1 FAN Saudi Arabia Jeddah

If there’s one person Floyd Mayweather has always wanted to meet, it’s Bosnia and Juventus midfielder Miralem Pjanic.

And Floyd’s dream came true when he showed up to watch the Old Lady’s Italian Super Cup victory over Milan, held in the little-known Italian town of Jeddah... The boxer first posed with Cristiano Ronaldo & Co. but really he just wanted a chat with Pjanic, to gush over a goal he once scored for Metz before nervously blurting, “I’m your biggest fan!” OK, that didn’t happen.

4

RHEA OF THE YEAR Paraguay Asuncion

Leicester aren’t the only club who have had a visitor to training – Club Nacional’s pre-match preparations were rudely interrupted by a giant flightless bird.

FFT won’t profess to being secret ornithological gurus, but we think the bird may have been a rhea – a close relative to Nigel Pearson’s pal, the ostrich, but unable to offer the same skill set. Is it flexible enough to get its head in the sand? Nigel suspects not.

5

SMART INKING, GABIGOL Brazil Rio de Janeiro

Nothing confuses defenders more than a striker with a Spongebob Squarepants tattoo. That’s Gabriel Barbosa’s theory, anyway. He didn’t make the expected impact with Inter in Serie A, but he’s back in Brazil and befuddling opponents once more, after getting Spongebob and his mate, Patrick, inked on his leg.

Just a glimpse of Spongebob distracts opposing defenders: while they ponder what sort of weirdo would get such a tattoo, Gabigol nips in to net. Clever.

6

PROPER FOOTBALL MEN LOVE TIMMY MALLETT England Burnley

Something we learned this month: Sean Dyche is a massive Timmy Mallett fan.

The former children’s TV entertainer turned up at a Burnley home match with his groundhopping son, posing for a pitchside photo with the club’s press officer (pictured) before a thrilled Dyche spotted him at the post-match press conference. “Timmy Mallett – legend!” Dyche exclaimed (yes, really) before returning to his standard decorum and heading home for an evening meal of worms and gravel (no, not really).

7

SNOOKER LOOPY EL SHAARAWY England London

Another thing we learned this month: snooker is absolutely huge in Serie A.

We’re not sure exactly how Roma’s Stephan El Shaarawy fell in love with the baize, but he jetted to London just to see Judd Trump annihilate Ronnie O’sullivan 10-4 in the Masters final at Alexandra Palace. “I love snooker,” the Italian forward revealed. “I watch it all the time. These two are my favourite players.” Apparently Mauro Icardi is much more of a Barry Hawkins fan.

8

PRESENTING PSG’S MR JULY Uruguay Salto

Edinson Cavani would make a good centaur (see also: Andy Carroll) so it was satisfying to see him use PSG’S winter break to go home and go full Putin by riding around topless on a horse.

Naturally, Cavani had already failed with several attempts to mount the steed, then had to watch as Neymar sulked because he wanted to ride it.

9 “EDINSON’S DONE WHAT?” Brazil Barra Grande

Never one to be outdone on Instagram, Dani Alves noted his PSG colleague’s exhibitionist equestrianism and hit back by donning comedy glasses with a guy dressed as Superman (Jamie Vardy was unavailable, apparently).

Alves spent a lovely afternoon relaxing by the beach in Bahia, then got straight on the blower to Cavani and asked him to please just give Neymar the horse.

10

AND NOW, SCOTT PARKER DOES DURAN DURAN... Portugal Lisbon

Raul Meireles packed a lot into his two years in England, winning PFA Fans’ Player of the Year at Liverpool and the Champions League at Chelsea, but alas Lip Sync Battle didn’t exist back then. It does now, however, and the retired (but not retiring) midfielder has resurfaced in incredible fashion on Portugal’s version.

Still bushy of beard, Meireles dressed as new wave great Antonio Variacoes and mimed to one of his hits, displaying some fine dance moves and backed up by what appeared to the Portuguese equivalent of The Village People. Superb.

11

PICTURED: SERGE GNABRY AND LIONEL MESSI England London

As former Arsenal man Serge Gnabry has already worked out, there’s nothing cooler than posing with a goat at a zoo.

The Bayern Munich winger crouched for a stylish photo beside the animal during a visit to London Zoo with his snappily-dressed pal Hector Bellerin. The goat looked completely bemused by the whole thing. Bloody hipsters.

12

“I PUT £50 IN AND NOW IT’S STUCK IN THE MACHINE!” Brazil Porto Alegre

There’s no shortage of options when you visit vending machines at Porto Alegre airport. Can of Coke, packet of Quavers, or how about a Gremio shirt?

Behold, a football shirt-selling vending machine built in the shape and colours of a Gremio jersey. It’s situated at the airport on a 90-day trial basis, which is just enough time for supporters of city rivals Internacional to jam it with a screwdriver and wreak merry hell.