BEST & WORST EVERTON

Big Dunc and ‘Zinedine’ Kilbane are among the picks of Toffees fan Mark O’brien, from thisisnotfootball.co.uk

XI

BEST: Neville Southall [right], Seamus Coleman, Dave Watson, Brian Labone, Ray Wilson, Alan Ball, Peter Reid, Mikel Arteta, Andrei Kanchelskis, Dixie Dean, Peter Beardsley WORST: Richard Wright, Marc Hottiger, Per Kroldrup, Claus Thomsen, David Burrows, Mike Milligan, Stefan Rehn, Segundo Castillo, John Spencer, Bernie Wright, Brett Angell

PLAYER

B: Neville Southall – In his position he is the equivalent of a Pele or Maradona. But they have never emptied bins or campaigned for LGBT rights. So Nev is actually better. W: Brett Angell – Everyone had seen clips on television of a Southend goal machine, so we were excited. Except that was Stan Collymore.

NICKNAME

B: Kevin ‘Zinedine’ Kilbane W: David ‘Rhino’ Unsworth – ‘Because I went on a dead powerful run in one match.’ Yeah sure, David.

KIT

B: 1967 to 1972 – Plain royal blue with a round, white collar, plain white shorts and socks. Even the away kit is a classic, with amber shirt and socks, and royal blue shorts. W: 2010-11’s monstrous, lurid pink away shirts [right].

GOAL

B: Wayne Rooney’s first in the league,

the last-minute screamer over David Seaman. “Remember the name!” W: Gary Mcallister’s 44-yard free-kick at Goodison, although final league positions will determine whether that’s overtaken by the Jordan Pickford/divock Origi abomination at Liverpool earlier this season.

SEASON

B: 1994-95 – From looking like relegation favourites under Mike Walker to winning the FA Cup under Joe Royle. W: 1997-98 – Going into the last game relying on Bolton not getting a point at Chelsea.

MOMENT

B: FA Cup semi-final at Elland Road in 1995. Nerves frayed as much-fancied Spurs look set to stage a fightback. A communication mix-up sees Joe Royle send on the wrong substitute. AMOKACHI! W: FA Cup semi-final at Wembley. Sylvain Distin’s backpass straight to Luis Suarez in 2012.

CULT HERO

B: Pat Nevin – Silky-skilled, floppy-fringed, Nme-reading fop during an era of Daily Star-reading, lager lout, long-ball merchants. W: Denis Stracqualursi – The no-necked striker must have been the least skilful player in all of Argentina, but he worked like a navvy building pyramids on piece-work.

HAIRCUT

B: Steve Mcmahon’s wedge. The footballing equivalent of Bowie on the cover of Low. If Bowie went on to become an utter turncoat ratbag. W: Abel Xavier being just a trident short of King Neptune.

USE OF THE PA SYSTEM

B: The Bomber Bellew sirens as an intro to Z Cars. W: ‘Commence Operation Goodison’.

HARD MAN

B: Duncan Ferguson [below] – The enigmatic lunatic did a stretch in Barlinnie, refused to speak to the press and gave a generation with little to cheer a reason to turn up at the match. And he battered not one, but two burglars on separate occasions. W: Franny Jeffers – Dined out on ‘chinning’ Sander Westerveld in the derby. They both made Michael

Gove look like Conor Mcgregor.

AWAY TRIP

B: Nuremberg in 2007 – A 2-0 win

and local news showing supermarkets with signs up apologising for running out of beer. W: Middlesbrough in the 2002 FA Cup quarter-final. A horrific 3-0 reverse – the last hurrah of Walter Smith. Thankfully.

GAME

B: Everton 3-1 Bayern – European Cup Winners’ Cup semi-final second leg in 1985. W: You would expect it would be at the hands of our ‘Merseyside rivals’, and it is. Everton 0-3 Tranmere – FA Cup fourth round in 2001.

OPPONENT

B: West Ham – Always guaranteed to end a terrible run of form. W: Ian Rush.

MANAGER

B: Howard Kendall – Even if he wasn’t the most successful manager in our history, he’d still be the best just for the endless tales of ‘team bonding’ and ‘great man management’ that emanate from his hard-partying, all-conquering team of the mid-80s. W: Mike Walker – Wore tiny Speedos while sunbathing on pre-season trips. Enough said.

SIGNING

B: Sixty grand for Seamus Coleman. W: We paid over £25 million for Yannick Bolasie. Let that sink in.

PITCH-INVADING STRIPTEASE

B: Eddie Cavanagh [above] slipping his jacket and the long arm of the law at Wembley in 1966. W: The hirsute hunk trying to swap tops with Alex Nyarko at Highbury in 2001.

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