DON ‘ BADMAN’ GOODMAN

The former Wolves and West Brom hitman teaches FFT Japanese – and how to start a fire

Hi Don. You’re driving right now – are you a considerate motorist?

Hi buddy. I think I’m a great driver. I might have been a bit of a boy racer when I was younger, but I now leave a good distance between me and the car in front. And I don’t let people wind me up.

What are Britain’s best services?

That’s a tough one. I’m a sucker for a drive- through Costa coffee and I’ve gone through a massive phase of stopping at Oxford services recently – although the toilets smell a bit.

You’ve recently been inducted into a Wolves hall of fame called the ‘ Old Gold Club’. Is Steve Bull sitting inside on a throne, draped in jewellery and drinking mead?

He should be, shouldn’t he? But unfortunately, there isn’t an actual club, or any kind of premises, or cigars. You just get interviewed for a podcast, then you’re a member.

Do you think having the surname Goodman puts you under extra pressure to behave well?

It raises comments when I’m abroad. People will look at the passport and say “Good… man?” But I think I was brought up well, through disciplined parenting, and I treat people with dignity and respect. I’d give myself a solid eight out of 10 there.

Would you have turned out different with the name Don Badman?

Maybe, yeah. That was a nickname Tony Morley gave me at West Brom – perhaps because when I’d had a beer, I’d sing and tell jokes. But sometimes you have to flick a switch when you get on a football field. You can’t afford to be a good man.

You played 10 games for Sanfrecce Hiroshima. How’s your Japanese?

Takushī untenshu- san, ji no shingō de usetsu shite kudasai!

Impressive!

I said, “Mr taxi driver, please turn right at the traffic lights.” I had to learn the most useful phrases first, and since I lived right at the lights, it’s the only phrase still in my head. I loved Japan and would learn the language for two hours a day while I was there. They loved me for it, so it was a real shame that I ended up getting injured.

Do you like the Japanese tradition of bowing? Britain could surely be improved by respectful bowing.

I do. Britain would improve if we were half as respectful as the Japanese. What’s funny is that when I got back from Japan, I carried on bowing to people at traffic lights. People must have thought I was a nutter.

What are your best tips for starting a big garden fire?

It reminds me of that Eddie Murphy sketch when he’s having a barbecue, telling his son, “Go and get me some gasoline!” Then he sets him on fire. “Roll him around, he’ll be all right.” My main advice would be to keep it safe.

Very wise. If you were on trial for a crime and had to use someone from the world of football to defend you, who would you choose?

I’d go for Eric Young, Ninja. He could throw a comment into a group of lads, start a row, then walk away. It was an amazing skill. So I think he might make a decent lawyer. I’d always want him on my side in an argument.

Finally, which foodstuff do you think you could throw the furthest? Turkey legs, perhaps?

Hmm. I think perhaps a can of soup, because you could get that a fair way. Or maybe an orange. I’m not a good thrower, to be honest: I was always the wicket- keeper at school.

Thanks for chatting, Don!

No worries!

“WHEN I GOT BACK FROM JAPAN, I STILL BOWED TO PEOPLE AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS...”