“SOMEONE PASS IT TO ROONEY!”

Thousands flocked to Derbyshire for the world’s most ludicrous football match. Even Wazza turned up ( ish)

Given the recent lack of football action, a match lasting two days seems like some sort of nirvana.

That’s exactly what happened in the Derbyshire town of Ashbourne, where thousands gather annually for the weirdest football fixture on the planet. The Royal Shrovetide Football Match has taken place on Shrove Tuesday and Ash Wednesday every year for centuries, using medieval rules: no limit on the number of people who can take part, and no need for VAR jurisdictions on handball – players are allowed to kick, carry or throw the ball.

There’s no pitch, either: the field of play consists of the entire town centre – dodging various houses and lamp posts – and two goals, three miles apart. To add further confusion, each goal is in the middle of a river: players must wade in and score by tapping the ball on a millstone three times.

The match begins when the ball is flung into the crowd, in the middle of a car park at 2pm on Shrove Tuesday. Folklore suggests that, centuries ago, the ball was originally a severed head tossed to the public straight after an execution. These days, a Mitre will do.

The players are split into two teams: the Up’ards and Down’ards. The most effective method of moving the ball through the town is by using a series of hugs, akin to a giant rugby scrum.

Play continues until 10pm on Shrove Tuesday, before everyone reconvenes the next day for another eight hours. There are few other rules, although the ball may not be carried in a motorised vehicle, and committing murder or manslaughter is prohibited. Genuinely.

Thousands played in 2020’ s bruising encounter – even someone in a Wayne Rooney shirt – which finished 1- 1 at 9.49pm on Ash Wednesday, thanks to a late equaliser from the Down’ards star Craig Firth. Anyone for extra time?