Denmark’s fake duck revolution

... Germany, Monchengladbach have been cheered on by an army of cats, blobfish and bog roll- hoarding ghosts

1 PHANTOM MENACE

You’ve probably heard of the ghost goal – at Borussia Monchengladbach they have ghost fans, too. With the Bundesliga restarting behind closed doors, supporters created cardboard cutouts and put them in the stands at Borussia- Park. Take- up surpassed 17,000, filling entire sections of the stadium. Cutouts brazenly ignored social distancing rules and huddled together in the Nordkurve, the traditional home end.

Some fans eschewed selfies and opted for a famous face instead – among them, club icons Gunter Netzer and Berti Vogts, plus current goalkeeper Yann Sommer, who was confusingly watching himself play.

Others were much sillier. Cutouts of guard dogs and an unfortunate- looking blobfish were situated on the stadium gates; in the stands was a cat in a Roma kit.

With behind- closed- doors fixtures labelled as ‘ ghost games’ in Germany, two supporters made their own poltergeist pals, one holding a banner saying, ‘ I have toilet paper’. The joke’s on him – we all have now...

LIVING THE HIGH LIFE

2

Cardboard cutouts are all well and good, but there’s nothing like watching your team in the flesh.

At Hannover in the German second tier, fan Patrick Zube has been forced to miss his first games since 1990 – so he’s turned up at the stadium and just walked around outside, even for an away match at Sandhausen that involved an 18- hour round trip.

Things have been marginally better at fellow second- division club Holstein Kiel, where a group of supporters took advantage of a decent vantage point from a tower block during their side’s 3- 2 victory over Stuttgart.

Sadly, the next home match ended in defeat to Arminia Bielefeld. At least they could shut the curtains.

THE MASK SLIPS

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Criminals, beware: if you’re thinking of breaking the law, don’t try to impersonate a footballer.

Over in Bulgaria, drug smugglers have been caught in possession of cocaine packages with the logo ‘ CR7’ – because the cocaine was the strongest around.

In Egypt, four blokes were arrested after donning Mo Salah masks as they robbed stores in Cairo: a surefire way to land yourself not just in the courts, but also the newspapers.

We should point out that the people pictured above weren’t involved – that’s just a random fan in a Salah mask ( the actual criminals didn’t hang around for photos, inconveniently). We should also stress that, obviously, neither CR7 nor Salah were involved. Don’t sue us, Mo...

“EY UP, EL LOCO!”

4

We’ve all spent a lot of time in our living rooms recently, and one Leeds fan has had the ideal companion: a lifesize sculpture of manager Marcelo Bielsa, wearing a flat cap.

Tony Clark commissioned the brass statue nine months ago; made in Asia, it finally arrived after global chaos held it up at Paris’ Charles de Gaulle airport.

Originally due to be auctioned, Clark has instead decided to raffle it to raise funds for mental health charity Mind – Leeds helped him to overcome his own mental health issues after witnessing the 2002 bombings in Bali.

Midfielder Kalvin Phillips is due to draw the winner on July 1, until which entries are open at bielsaraffle. com for just £ 10. You even get a free bucket.

CZECH MATES

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In the Czech Republic, there’s absolutely no greater way of spending a Wednesday evening than by driving down to a local car park and lighting up some flares.

Viktoria Plzen’s fans did exactly that when their side made the trip to Sparta Prague for a crucial Fortuna Liga clash. With the fixture staged behind closed doors, both clubs put on screenings of the game, allowing fans to turn up and watch the match in their cars.

The Prague screening was somewhat subdued as Sparta lost 2- 1, turning the Plzen get- together into an all- out party featuring beer, ultras and pyrotechnics aplenty. After all, lighting flares in close proximity to hundreds of petrol tanks – what could possibly go wrong?

AARHUS, IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET

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Danish outfit Aarhus came up with a different way of making fans feel part of the action: creating a ‘ virtual grandstand’ inside their stadium.

Thanks to Zoom, 10,000 supporters were beamed onto giant screens in Ceres Park during the game against Randers, as they watched at home.

It was all too much for one young fan who unveiled his best impression of Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone, horrified when Randers went ahead.

Aarhus recovered to draw 1- 1, so keep an eye out for Home Alone 2, 3 and 4 – expected to be increasingly underwhelming before matches go straight to DVD.

QUACK THEORY

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No Zoom fans for the derby between Lyngby and FC Copenhagen: there, they just got their ducks in a row.

A small part of Lyngby’s home ground was turned into the duck section with row after row of smug- looking yellow birds, some even wearing club scarves around their necks. Because why not?

It’s not entirely clear whether these cardboard ducks were ordered online by real ducks, keen to get involved, or whether fake quack noises were piped in over the PA system whenever there was a goalscoring opportunity.

Either way, Copenhagen romped to a 4- 1 victory, seemingly unperturbed by the less- than- menacing presence of the 18- inch creatures. Hard luck, Daffy.

WHOLE NEW DOLL GAME

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Life has been turbulent in Sao Paulo recently, with the city hit hard by the coronavirus outbreak.

The areas most badly affected include the Paraisopolis favela, where all sport halted and a pitch lay empty, occupied only by a severed doll’s head.

Football fans also joined forces during a march against fascism, as ultras from rival quartet Corinthians, Palmeiras, Sao Paulo and Santos took to the streets.

That led to skirmishes with advocates of the country’s controversial right- wing president Jair Bolsonaro, described as the Brazilian Trump except with slightly bigger hands. He’s yet to offer views on whether the general public should inject themselves with bleach.

DRUMMING UP INTEREST

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Depending on your viewpoint, Spanish super fan Manolo has either brightened up football or generated an annoying racket for half a century.

The veteran has banged a drum at 10 different World Cups, as well as lending his assistance to three clubs: Zaragoza, Huesca and Valencia. For years he has owned a bar next to Mestalla, but he’s closing it for good because of the lack of supporters and global financial crisis.

Manolo is even contemplating selling some of his drums to raise funds, but the 71- year- old wants to do two more World Cups before finally hanging up his drumstick. He will undoubtedly be missed, but at least everyone will get a bit of peace and quiet.