Jurgen Klopp gets very raunchy
Liverpool’s gegenpress king has inspired a raunchy new book
Let’s be honest: most of us would love Jurgen Klopp as our gaffer. But furtive thoughts are not uncommon either.
Take the comedian Laura Lexx, whose yearning for Jurgen has changed her life. What began as some saucy tweets became a viral sensation and now a proper book,
Klopp Actually. “It’s a bit weird, considering I’m not a football person at all,” she admits. “I only knew who he was because of coronavirus.”
A memorable pre- lockdown Klopp presser got the creative juices flowing. Lexx had just begun a UK tour and was in a hotel worrying about gigs, so started tweeting about sexy times with The Normal One.
“If I ever met Jurgen Klopp, I’d say, ‘ OMG if we have a baby we should call it Klipp’, just so he’d raise an eyebrow at me and tell me I’m a moron, and I’d be so naked by the time he’d finished doing that,” she tweeted.
It led to an eye- popping thread in which they marry, Klopp pragmatically pricks Laura’s hang- ups – “you have a pretty reasonable body fat amount, I think” – and perks her up.
Lexx became a global sensation, applauded by everyone from Gary Lineker to US chat host Seth Meyers, although Piers Morgan found it offensive. “I can’t help it if Morgan doesn’t understand things,” shrugs Lexx. There were certainly no objections from the Klopp camp, hence why that thread led to a two- book deal. Writing a full diary of their sensible life together would require real football speak, though: Jurgen jargon. Thankfully, her actual husband knows his onion bags.
“I did do quite a lot of, ‘ What’s a corner compared to a penalty?’ to some eye- rolling,” she laughs. “But that’s partly why it’s funny – she knows nothing.” Expect a generous peppering of footy puns then, like when he stirs passions changing the duvet: “Tiredness dissipates as I watch him Febreze his cap… by morning we no longer have a clean sheet.” Wasn’t it awkward for her other half, though, sharing lockdown with someone conjuring Klopp fantasies? “We did an Indecent Proposal: ‘ If you don’t mind me writing about this guy, we can buy a house’. ‘ Oh, go on then’. He just wishes it was Spurs.” Team Lexx’s fortunes are now inexplicably linked to Liverpool’s. “When they won the league, suddenly that Twitter thread took off again and pre- sales shot up. Bizarre.” So which sensibly sexy man might she tackle in the sequel? Gareth Southgate gets a mention. “And was it Gary Neville letting his hotels be used by the NHS during lockdown? That got a big tick.” 50 Shades of Gary? Hmm. Si Hawkins