Louis Saha: baffled by Babybel

The former Fulham frontman discusses French delicacies and reveals why he can’t wait for Christmas

Hi Louis. This is, historically, the first Ask A Silly Question done via Zoom. Have you been embracing technology during this year’s funtime pandemic?

Hi. I’m actually really into the world of technology. I’ve been creating a digital platform [ the app, Axisstars]. I’ve even done a bit of coding and quite enjoy it. It’s not something I was into as a kid, but I’m an entrepreneur now so have been learning all about it. I’m trying to understand the field and work out how people do these things. What’s harder: coding or being very good at football?

Ah, coding is much harder. Believe me, it’s not easy at all. My God, it’s tough to get used to. Did you learn anything new while you were in lockdown or, like FFT, did you just eat lots of crisps?

I did learn a lot – from my family, from everyone I love. Lockdown helped me realise all the things that are important to me. I also saw how footballers have been put in certain boxes and not used correctly within society, because often people don’t respect what we have to say. We must change that, and it’s nice to see what Marcus Rashford has done [ over free school meals]. He’s used his platform to do amazing things. Your name is an anagram of OASIS HAUL. Have you ever bought a record by the Gallagher brothers?

I don’t mind Oasis at all, you know. I’d listen to them, it’s a good style. I like all kinds of music. When we interviewed Frank Leboeuf, he said cheese is “children’s food”. Does this make him a French traitor?

No! I don’t really eat cheese. It’s a good French export, but I prefer les bonbons. Sweeties. The best French exports are the croissant and the fraise – the little strawberry ball sweet. They’re delicious. Have you ever eaten a Mini Babybel, the least masculine of all cheeses? Ring the bell?

Let’s move on. Marcel Desailly told us that the only animal in the world he wouldn’t eat would be an ostrich. Where do you draw the line?

I’m more fussy than Marcel. I don’t eat many different meats. I won’t eat pork. I don’t like raw meats. I’m quite boring, to be honest – chicken is my favourite. Frank is an actor now. Which of your former team- mates would make the best thespian?

Sylvain Distin – he’s a big lad and could be just like The Rock. Patrice Evra could be a comic actor. He’s so funny. Surely Marcel is the true Rock?

Well, yes, he’s ‘ The Rock’, too. I think he would be good at playing a president – he has that character about him. I was lucky to have the chance to play with him, because he’s an incredible guy. You were born on August 8, which is International Cat Day. Are you a fan?

I don’t mind a cat, but I’m a dog lover. I have a Chocolate Labrador. I’ll stroke a cat, but I’m more in the West Indies mentality about domestic animals. An animal is an animal, and shouldn’t be sleeping on your bed. Christmas is coming. Do you over- eat wildly – full roast, trimmings, a dozen mince pies – now that you don’t have to play on Boxing Day?

Yeah. My mum comes over and cooks a very special meal. I really enjoy it. No travelling, no pressure, no trying to get results. I get to see my kids, have fun and eat all the bonbons! You wear some terrific glasses on TV. Are they real or a fashion accessory like Dominic Calvert- Lewin’s?

No, they’re real. I have astigmatism, so need them. I like the different frames. I’ll leave Dominic to it, although I can’t give anyone fashion advice – I had that yellow hair! My fashion was the worst. Cheers for chatting.

Thanks.

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“SYLVAIN DISTIN WOULD MAKE A GOOD ACTOR. HE’S A BIG LAD AND COULD BE LIKE THE ROCK"