VVV- VENLO

Hammered 13- 0 by Ajax, the VVV stands for very, very, very… bad at defending

Releasing the combative Lee Cattermole and recruiting a toddler may not sound like the best way to shore up your defence, and so it proved for VVV- Venlo.

The Dutch club play their home matches at the De Koel stadium, located in an old pit – but sadly for them, it was their performance that was the pits when they hosted Ajax this season. After falling 4- 0 behind inside 50 minutes, they shipped nine more when they went down to 10 men and lost 13- 0, an Eredivisie record in its 64- year history.

The result was all the more puzzling given that VVV had lost only two of their first five league matches, and secured a creditable 2- 2 draw at AZ Alkmaar in their previous fixture. Even after losing 13- 0, they still sat outside the drop zone.

That’s where they finished last season, too – two points above the bottom three when the season was curtailed, having recruited Cattermole after his exit from Sunderland. Cattermole featured 11 times, but was dropped and then allowed to depart this summer, retiring at the age of 32.

Situated just a mile from the German border, VVV actually stands for Venlose Voetbal Vereniging ( Venlose Football Association), confusingly making their full name Venlose Voetbal Vereniging Venlo, or perhaps VVVV. After all, why have only three Vs when you can have four?

Historically a yoyo club, they became known for bringing talented Japanese players to Europe – firstly Keisuke Honda from Nagoya Grampus Eight, before selling him to CSKA Moscow after he’d helped them to promotion. Maya Yoshida followed, as did the less- than- Japanese- sounding Robert Cullen, a Japan Under- 20 international who was born and bred in the Far East. Both later ended up in England: Yoshida with Southampton and Cullen with, er, Leatherhead.

VVV made their biggest signing in 2011, though: handing a 10- year contract to 18- month- old toddler Baerke van der Meij, who’d impressed with a viral video of his football skills while chipping a ball into a box at home. He also happened to be the grandson of a former Venlo player.

Sadly, Van der Meij is still only 11, and that deal is due to expire without him playing a first- team game. If only they’d given him a run- out against Ajax – he might have improved the defence and kept the score down to 12.

If all else fails, at least they’ll always be able to call upon their dogged mascot. He’ll probably outdo Cattermole.