the science of nice

Are you a good sort? head into the frankie lab and find out.

Here’s a thing: yawning makes you a nicer person. Or, technically, being nice means you’re more prone to contagious yawns. Research has shown that people who stretch their jaws after others score higher on empathy tests – meaning they have a greater capacity to share the emotions of others. So a yawn might not always mean, “I’m tired.” Sometimes it means, “Hello there, fellow human being with thoughts and feelings. I know what you’re going through. Give me a back rub while I yawn some more.”

OK, maybe not the last bit, but a few random back rubs might actually serve you well because – as Mum used to say and nobody ever believes – it is indeed better to give than to receive. In research settings, the kindest and most altruistic people gain the highest status in a group, and are more likely to be chosen as partners. If this translates to high status in the real world, it could mean other benefits, too, like wealth, power and possibly cake. So even on a purely selfish level, it’s probably best to go out of your way for other people. That way you can save the gimmes for later.

Being nice to people who are nice to us is in our biological programming – it’s what social scientists call the Law of Reciprocity. In nature, if you are nice to me, you’re probably my friend, so it’s safe for me to be nice in return, and it will benefit both of us. If you’re mean to me, you might be an enemy trying to hurt or kill me. I’d better not be nice to you – it might make it easier for you to take me down. In fact, I’d better be even meaner to you, or you will win.

So that’s the cave(wo)man in us talking. And no offence to babies, but they act a lot like cavepeople as well, proving we’re wired for nice. In recent trials at Yale University, very young children were shown puppet shows where one character assists another character – helping it climb steep stairs, opening a box, fetching a ball – versus another character who tries to stop the do-gooder. The babies were then allowed to choose a character (the one who helped or hindered) and about 80 per cent of the time they chose the nice guy, touching or grabbing it first. Babies also seem to be programmed for empathy – being the nice guy themselves. Newborns cry when they hear other babies crying and toddlers will often spontaneously offer their blankets or other tokens of comfort if they see that Mummy or Daddy looks upset.

Possibly babies know something we don’t. Or maybe they’ve taken us all in by something called the Halo Effect. This means that our perception of one positive trait (that baby is cute) influences our evaluation of other positive traits (that baby is nice). The classic example is Hollywood movie stars. Because they are good-looking and likeable, we assume they are also smart, generous, funny, loyal and generally awesome.

What’s weird about the Halo Effect is that even when questioned, people have no idea how or why it works. Back in the ’70s, two social psychologists – Nisbett and Wilson – tried to figure it out. They showed two groups of students two different videos of the same lecturer, who happened to have a strong Belgian accent. In one video the lecturer answered a series of questions in a warm and friendly way. In the other he answered exactly the same questions, but appeared cold and distant. Afterwards, the students were asked to rate the lecturer on physical appearance, mannerisms and even his accent. Because of the Halo Effect, students rated the ‘nice’ version of the lecturer as more attractive,

his mannerisms more likeable and even his accent more appealing. The punchline is that the students had no clue why they did this. Even after the study was finished, most of them said the lecturer’s likeability had nothing to do with their evaluations at all.

So being perceived as ‘nice’ also means being perceived as goodlooking, smart, friendly and having a cuter accent. Hats off to nice – it pays well, and apparently makes us hotter. But how do we get to being nice in the first place? As previously mentioned, back rubs may help. But it turns out our level of niceness depends on the level we expect to receive. When we think other people are going to like us, we act nicer towards them, so they act nicer towards us and we all fall into a big ball of fluffy love. This is called the Acceptance Prophecy, which sounds like a bad action film, possibly featuring Nicolas Cage. But it’s actually a real thing.

In one study, two groups of men were told they were going to be meeting an attractive woman for the first time. (Perhaps they got ladies off hotornot.com?) The first group was told the women were nervous about meeting them – so they were more confident of acceptance and wound up being warmer and more likeable in their meetings. The second group weren’t told much of anything – nothing that could calm their fears of rejection. They acted colder towards the women and got a chillier reception in return. Also scary: your level of ‘warmth’ on meeting a person for the first time is evaluated within the first 30 seconds. On the upside, that means you really can have someone at ‘hello’.

But what about ‘having’ someone in a nudge-wink kind of way? Does being nice get you laid? Well, for guys – no. But in the long term, maybe yes. Most research shows that blokes with ‘low agreeableness’ (the stereotypical bad boys) in fact have far more notches on their bedposts than those who are highly agreeable. Guys with low agreeableness indulge in more infidelity, more sexual partners and less loyalty to mates. Their ‘mating strategy’ (ugh – yes – that’s actually what it’s called) is basically to screw everything in sight. And they don’t have to be nice to do this. Just energetic.

On the other hand, according to a recent UK study, women favour altruism over selfishness in potential partners. And the more altruistic the women are themselves, the more they hanker after a similarly altruistic mate. Again, we have our old friend evolution to thank. Back in the mists of time, the human brain got larger, child-rearing became a bigger job and the most conscientious mothers would have sought out mates who were willing to stick around and play house for a long period of time. Guys who showed altruism would have rated highly on the potential daddy meter. Somewhere along the line, nice ladies mated with nice men, passing the gene along.

So basically, being nice helps. It might not always equate to super-stud status, but it will help you find a nice cavewoman to settle down with. It gives you a higher status and makes you seem smarter, cuter and generally more ace than you really are. The nicer you seem, the nicer other people are to you. And it can even make you live longer – an Australian study found that people with a large network of good friends outlive those with the fewest friends by 22 per cent. Which is helpful, because you’ll have loads more people to hang out with for all those extra years of life. Which is nice, isn’t it?