Talking schmutz
YIDDISH WORDS TO USE EVERY DAY.
SCHMUCK // Warning: this is not a word to be used around the elderly. Schmuck means penis – tee-hee! In the seemingly boundless linguistic tradition where swear words derive from genitals and bodily movements, schmuck is no different. The word used to be considered incredibly vulgar a century ago, but now it’s almost a term of endearment. Some Jewish people call themselves schmucks all the time. A little like how Aussies claimed back ‘bastard’ and ‘bugger’ as part of the daily vernacular. Example: “That guy just got annihilated in a pool game and now he’s got to dance pantless around the table, the poor schmuck.”
SCHMUTZ // Remember when your great-aunt used to spit into a handkerchief and try to rub a piece of unsightly grime off your face while you squirmed in her grip? She was probably wiping off the schmutz. Meaning ‘dirt’, it has also come to refer to rude and dirty language. In fact, a lot of the words in this list would probably be considered schmutz. If you’re a foul person in the hygiene stakes, or just foul-mouthed, then you might be called this. Example: “Don’t talk schmutz like that around your grandmother.”
KLUTZ // You may have used this one to describe yourself after you poured a freshly cooked dinner onto the kitchen floor, or tripped over nothing and face-planted into a pole. Or provided any number of physical comedy routines in front of friends and the public – slipping on banana peels, that sort of thing. It comes from the word klots, which is the literal term for a block of wood. In other words, a klutz is a dense, clunky mass with a tendency to fall over a lot. Example: “I’m such a klutz. I just spilt chocolate milk all over my crotchy regions.”
SPIEL // Like a lot of Yiddish terminology, this word is taken directly from German. (The language originated in Eastern Europe, so it sort of makes sense.) In German, spiel refers to a play you would see in a theatre. In English, it has come to mean a long-winded way of explaining or pitching something that’s just a tad annoying. It seems Yiddish-speaking folk mustn’t like going to the theatre too much. Example: “Dear telemarketer, thank you for your neverending spiel. My dinner is now burnt.”
BUPKIS // This is pretty much the modern Yiddish word for ‘shit all’. Literally: bupkis is a term for goat droppings. If you’ve ever visited a farm and enjoyed the subsequent time scraping animal doo-doo off your boots, you’d know that sheep and goats produce tiny round balls of poop. Therefore, when you receive something that is worthless, or try hard at something to no avail, all you’re left with is bupkis. Example: “I put so much effort into making that cake and I ended up with bupkis. Not literally, of course.”
SHTICK // Everyone has a shtick. It’s the thing that you’re known for doing, like your own personal gimmick. For example, you might be really good at dangling spoons from your nose, or maybe you’re known for always wearing red, or pulling the same overly enthusiastic dance moves at every single party. Your shtick can be viewed simultaneously as a talent and an annoyance. It’s often used in relation to the performing arts – every actor, comedian or entertainer has their own shtick. Example: “I’m totally over Michael Cera’s shtick. You’re a bumbling man-child, we get it.”
KOSHER // In Judaism, something that is kosher is acceptable to partake in, and often relates to food. A lot of eatery goods need to be prepared in a certain way in order for them to be OK to eat – for example, keeping milk and meat products away from each other. The foods that Jews aren’t meant to eat at all, like pork and shellfish, are called traif. However, in modern English-speaking culture the phrase ‘that’s not kosher’ jokingly means something that isn’t correct, often morally. Example: “The record store clerk was about to file You Am I under ‘Adult Contemporary’. That’s so not kosher.”
YENTE // Nowadays the meaning of yente is often misused. Following the success of Fiddler on the Roof (heart you, Topol), yente was wrongly thought to mean ‘matchmaker’. The film’s gossipy, matchmaking busybody was named Yente, and the term stuck in popular culture. Indeed, several Jewish dating sites feature the word in their name. The real meaning is more along the lines of ‘she-devil’, which, in reality, probably isn’t too far off. Example: “That yente waitress wouldn’t put extra chicken salt on my fries.”
SCHMALTZY // This is a great word to drop into everyday conversation. Something that is schmaltzy is completely over the top, over-exaggerated and corny. Imagine the best/worst soap opera you can think of, add feather boas and red roses and you have a very schmaltzy TV show. That is the English version, though – the Yiddish translation means ‘grease’ or ‘chicken fat’. And no, we have no idea how they are related. Example: “The finale of Passions was far too schmaltzy for my liking. Why was Norma wearing sequins?”
SCHMOOZE // Let’s be honest, we’ve all done this. To schmooze is to talk to a large number of people about very little. It is the epitome of small talk, and also implies networking and talking yourself up in a way that makes you look good. You might schmooze your boss at an event in order to get a promotion, for example, or with clients to land a big deal. Example: “I really don’t want to go to that launch party tonight, but I need to schmooze with all the guys wearing bow ties.”
SHTUP // Although the literal meaning of this word in Yiddish is ‘to stuff’, it is nowadays used euphemistically as a term for private sexytimes. In the same way that you may shtup your cannelloni with ricotta and spinach, a couple might shtup each other with their naughty parts. We really don’t want to have to paint you more of a picture. Example: “Did you hear that Mark has been shtupping Frank on the sly? No wonder he’s been missing all our pub knit-along meetings!”
NOSH // Om nom nom. To nosh is to snack on something. When you’re in a nibbling mood you might seek out something small to nosh on (it works as a noun and a verb). Coming from the German word gnash of the same meaning, the term can also be used to describe plagiarism, as you pick out little bits and pieces of something that previously weren’t yours. So next time your university tutor catches you ripping off an essay from Spark Notes, just tell them that you were having a nosh. Example: “Can we please pop into that licorice store? I need something to nosh on.”
KVETCH // Nowadays kvetch is used negatively in English-speaking cultures to describe someone who’s a bit of a whiney pain in the tuches (the Yiddish word that our term ‘toosh’ comes from). The original Yiddish word is different, though, meaning to squeeze something, or apply pressure. The English meaning probably comes from the sound of people complaining about kvetching. It is also the word used for ‘click here’ signs on Yiddish-language websites. There would be a lot of kvetching in both languages if the internet crashed. Example: “i had to kvetch into my jeans the day after we went to that cupcake bakery. Lavender and mint frosting is a killer.”
SCHLEP // When you schlep something around you are carrying it unnecessarily or have been made to tote it by someone else – basically, it refers to an annoying burden. Your grandmother might have made you schlep her impossibly heavy groceries, or drummers might complain about having to schlep their kits around whenever they play. You can also schlep yourself, as in, “I schlepped around every bookstore in town, but couldn’t find a copy of Benjamin Law’s new memoir.” Example: “Why did I waste all those years at university, only to schlep around this arts degree?”