Bracksy’s in the zone

KARDINIA Park Trust chairman Steve Bracks’s wish for 11 home games in Geelong would be a hoot not just for Cats fans, but for the City’s parking coffers, too. Today in this exclusive (*see legal disclaimer at end of column), the Payneful Truth lifts the lid on secret discussions that took place his week between Bracksy and the City that went something like this:

BRACKSY: We need 11 home games at Kardinia Park. It will be the best thing since I did the adverts for the desal plant when I was premier, hanging out of a helicopter like an action hero.

CoGG: Wow, imagine the extra parking revenue those games could create. Top idea. Let’s get behind it.

BRACKSY: Some fans may catch a bus, although they don’t run late at night down here so I suppose most people will have to drive, which is expensive when you add it all up. CoGG: What’s a bus? BRACKSY: Economical form of mass transit, great for people in outlying areas of your municipality so they don’t need to drive their cars into the City and pay for parking all the time.

CoGG: Sounds great for anyone without a taxpayer funded car or car park pass — why would they see parking fees as exorbitant in the first place?

BRACKSY: Well … let’s say they park in Geelong five days a week for 48 weeks a year at $9.50 a day, that would cost them $2280. On top of their rates. CoGG: Lot of money isn’t it!” (PAYNEFUL TRUTH: YES IT BLOODY WELL IS AND THEY DON’T EVEN DETAIL YOUR CAR AT HAYMARKET, WHICH IS OUTRAGEOUS).

BRACKSY: Think of all the things you could do with that kind of revenue.

CoGG: Pay more parking inspectors, issue more infringements, or . . .

BRACKSY: Keep community libraries open? CoGG: Steve, please. BRACKSY: What about using that revenue to fund a campaign for better bus services?

CoGG: We’re too busy funding lobby groups to lobby for things that people really want. Like a convention centre with a very, very big paid car park.

BRACKSY: Right, I have to fly, my chopper’s here. CoGG: Why didn’t you drive? BRACKSY: Because the hospital helipad is FREE PARKING. Boom boom. *This is a fictitious conversation (except the Haymarket bit which is FACT) because we all know that all levels of government are efficient, logical, transparent and wonderful.