MEN’S BUSINESS
While Brandon Dellow might have felt alone, he is among a growing number of young men diagnosed with anxiety and depression. But he hopes a new program encouraging fathers to discuss mental health issues with their sons will break down some of the stigma surrounding the issue.
JOHN Patterson wishes he had had the difficult conversation with his late brother. They last spoke the day before Charles, a Western District sheep farmer, took his own life, aged 35.
While John says his brother appeared “unusually light and happy”, he did not delve into the now-unimaginable emotions swirling underneath Charles’s surface.
“There is so much I didn’t know, don’t know, will never know, but that didn’t stop me for years wracking my brains to understand,” he says.
“Why he didn’t tell me he was struggling, what I could have done or said if I’d known that he was in such a dark place; how our lives would be so very different if he’d been able to tell us, and get the support he needed.”
The pain that lingers in the immeasurable unknown has driven the Lismore farmer to start difficult conversations with men across the Geelong and Bellarine Peninsula region.
The committed Freemason first started sharing his family’s devastating story with other lodge members.
But it was a snap decision to ditch his prepared speech and recite a poem at a forum two years ago that sparked a movement that supports an Australian-first service in Geelong.
The poem, Murray Hartin’s Rain From Nowhere, tells the story of a farmer who had been contemplating suicide before his father shares his similar experience from decades ago.
Its impact was immediate and deep. Tears were shed, personal stories shared and men started reaching out for support.
“We have to rely on each other, we need the camaraderie and connection,” John says.
“Use that connection to encourage people to talk earlier and take action to get support, rather than leaving it months or even years as I did.”
John has visited all 13 Masonic lodges in the Bellarine-Otway District, with members compelled to donate a total of $22,000. The Freemasons’ Foundation added $15,000, with the funds bankrolling a pioneering suicide support service.
The money has helped Support After Suicide Geelong employ a coordinator two days a week, with Melinda Hopper starting in the role in January. Separate funding from Jesuit Social Services allows the group to offer free specialist counselling two days per week.
“We think it is the only service of its kind that is funded outside capital cities,” Ms Hopper says.
The funding has allowed the organisation to lift its gaze and improve its offering.
An early bereavement group is being created, to complement the monthly support group.
Ms Hopper is working to engage mental health professionals in Geelong in low-cost training to improve their skills in suicide-related trauma. She is also developing a trove of literature and information on the subject, while pulling together the disparate resources and services in the region into a centralised location.
She says John’s recital had helped do more than start a fundraising campaign.
“It has become a prevention initiative — he is starting conversations and breaking down the stigmas,” she says.
The poem recital will be a central feature of Freemasons Victoria’s efforts on suicide prevention, which ties in with the start of Men’s Health Week on Monday.
Of the 3027 suicides in Australia in 2015, three-quarters of those were men. Men aged 25 -54 made up a large proportion of those deaths.
Freemasons Victoria Grand Master Don Reynolds says the campaign will be rolled out to its 9300 members and to the wider public through its partner Mirvac.
The campaign is a precursor to a conversation that John implores people to not shy away from.
“It takes an enormous amount of courage to be ‘real’ and say how things actually are — and it takes bravery to invite someone into that vulnerable space,” he says.
“You don’t have to solve their problems, just listen.”
IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS, PHONE LIFELINE: 131 114. AFTER SUICIDE SUPPORT GROUP GEELONG: 5222 4101