The 20 per cent rules
WARNING: VERY VERY VERY LONG RANTY SENTENCE COMING UP:
GREAT news for battling AFL players down on their luck on the bones of their collective arses just trying to survive on a measly couple of hundred grand every year plus an endorsement deal or five here and there and maybe a car at the end of the year for taking a good mark or kicking a goal, with the announcement that their pay will go UP BY 20 PER CENT in the new collective bargaining agreement announced just this week.
I MEAN YOU REALLY HAVE TO FEEL SO BLOODY HAPPY FOR THEM OTHERWISE YOU MIGHT JUST START THROWING UP UNCONTROLLABLY ALL OVER THE PLACE. What are they going to do? Play 20 per cent more footy by 2022?
Learn to say something that’s 20 per cent more interesting than “we’re just taking it one week at a time’’ (which is zero per cent interesting)?
No way. This is the biggest heist since North Melbourne won the 1980 night grand final against Collingwood after the siren when the umpires forgot to hear it.
All supporters should be OUTRAGED at this BLATANT DISPLAY OF GREED.
If you’re not convinced please allow the Payneful Truth to convince you beyond doubt with this list of IRREFUTABLE PROOF detailing how YOU will pay for this CASH GRAB.
Light beer, heavy-beer, midstrength beer, premium beer, craft beer, beer carry tray, the beer you spilt all over the bloody concrete because you were too tight to buy a carry tray, hot chips, hot chips that aren’t actually hot at all, packet of chips, packet that the chips come in, pies, sauce, chicken nuggets, footy records, merchandise, water, soft drinks, ticket prices, hot dogs, dim-sims, potato cakes, thimble of wine sold under the guise of “glass of wine’’ (bulls--t detector 101), premixed spirits already sold with a 20 per cent mark up over anywhere else in the universe, chocolate bars, roast beef rolls, rolls, gravy, coffee, coffee with milk, milk, sugar, sugar-replacement, stirring device for hot drinks and let’s not forget ice-creams either.
Goal kicking accuracy, the number of people who can afford a seat on level two at Etihad Stadium for good games, bad games and even worse than bad games such as St Kilda v North last week, which was rubbish, information on what is actually used to make hot dogs, interesting answers at press conferences, reduction in cliches, more detailed information regarding injury updates, percentage of real chicken in chicken nuggets sold at AFL venues, the number of premierships won by your football team and consistency from umpires on holding the ball decisions, women’s toilets and ACCESS TO GRAND FINAL TICKETS FOR COMPETING CLUBS.
There you go.