It’s farewell to flab and hello to hell

BY the time you read this every part of my body will be in pain.

Why? Because I’m going on a health kick ... and it’s starting today.

There’s not going to be any excuses coming from my mouth this time.

Over the past few months I’ve been getting pretty comfortable.

I got engaged recently and we’ve been on a holiday.

I am well and truly in the comfort zone and I need to snap out of it.

Every person goes through this stage, I reckon.

You become that content with life that you actually don’t care what anyone thinks of you.

You have a partner, so the only impressing you need to do is breaking your own ice cream eating record for the most tubs consumed in a day.

For the record I’ve done two tubs of cookies and cream before.

Anyway, back when I was in my prime my weeknights would involve gym, running, stretching, healthy eating and bed. The mornings were the same. The past few months it has involved a tub of ice cream, a block of chocolate and some Shapes. And that’s just for me. My fiancee Holly has to keep her grubby mitts away from my stash. The weekend was a big moment for me. I looked down and saw an extra roll. Now, an extra roll normally gets me excited. Smear it in butter and dip it in some soup. But this one was on my body and it really shouldn’t have been there! So as I breathed in to try to fit into my old pair of jeans to head out for breakfast, I promised myself that Sunday was my last supper.

So in true Fat Man fashion I drank as much beer as I could, devoured a chicken parmi and then ate my weight in apple pies and ice cream.

I think I have it out of my system ... for now.

I’ve dug my runners out from the back of the closet, gone hunting for my gym gear and have already set my alarms for this morning.

Bootcamp starts at 6am and my mate Matt will no doubt have a killer session planned for me.

I’ve made a promise to myself to do every sit up, push up, squat, run, punch, plank and box push I am ordered to do (note: I deliberately left out burpees).

I just hope I don’t die.