Dad steeped in decency and love
READ a great quote about fathers recently. It said: “My dad never judges me by whether I win or lose”.
With Father’s Day coming up, it resonates deeply with me — especially with the wins and losses I’ve managed to rack up over the years.
My old man’s always been straight with me. Proud of achievements, unimpressed with nonsense. He’s a great man for level-headed common sense and old-fashioned decency.
I’m especially proud of him and right now I’m really proud I’ve been able to tell some of his story in a brilliant book Claire Halliday has just released called Things My Father Taught Me.
It’s a bit ironic, really, because while he taught me a heck of a lot I haven’t always put it into action like he’d have wanted. But I suppose I’ve always been a bit of a work in progress so there’s still hope for me.
My Dad, Graham, has never said a word out of place, never done anything to hurt anyone. All he has done is good.
That might seem a big call but he’s a deeply religious man, he was choirmaster of the Aberdeen St Baptist Church at age 27. A bit different to me, I know. I was playing the sex, drugs, rock and roll life pretty full-on around the same age.
Dad worked as an architect and he was so anti-alcohol that he turned down the opportunity of a large job one time because it involved designing for one of the breweries. At Christmas, if any of his clients sent a bottle of wine as a gift he used to pour it down the sink. I couldn’t be more different, I’d pour it down me.
Dad was a Geelong boy, born and bred. He fathered three of us, myself, my brother and my sister.
We lived up in Herne Hill before later moving to Leopold. Dad caught the train to work in Melbourne every day.
He took us to the Geelong Footy Club and I remember him being really upset about the abuse and drinking and pretty appalling behaviour there. Like I say, he didn’t drink and I don’t think I’ve ever heard him swear in his whole life.
Dad didn’t believe in borrowing. When the first bank card came out, I remember Mum all excited: “Oh, we’ve got free money!” Dad grabbed the plastic and cut it up with a pair of scissors. He was old school. Neither a lender nor a borrower be.
I’m the exact opposite, of course. Always was. And as I grew older, the risks became bigger, not in the gambling sense but the entrepreneurial sense. I’ve taken huge risks over the years. But I’m finally mellowing.
Dad’s not a bloke who pats you on the back very often. He’s an enlightened but very quiet character while I’m very out there — you know, with the ‘look at me’ kind of bulldust.
Dad is different, he’s very humble, and I wish I had that. I wish I had a lot of Dad’s best traits. I’m disappointed I don’t.
When you look at men today, you can’t help being struck by how easily they betray partners, by their failure to understand the responsibility of parenthood and raising kids. Dad was never like that.
He’s lost a lot of independence these days. He’s 87 now and can’t drive, he relies a lot on Mum and his memory is going on him.
He remembers losing his dad, when he was just 39, and while he’s always been quiet about it I’m sure it affected him deeply. He used to tell lots of stories about him — now I tell them back to him.
The thing about my old man is his work ethic. He taught me that in no uncertain terms and it was the one thing I learned early and learned well. And it’s carried me around the world beautifully. Life is never given to you for free, you have to go out and work and earn it, he’d always say.
One thing about him is he’s pretty much a man’s man. You know the sort of thing: ‘You’ve got to look after yourself and if you do things like that, you’ve got to accept the responsibilities’.
But his nature’s always been tempered with a great kindness. He’d always support you and encourage you to make your own decisions.
When I was about six, I’d had enough of our house so I packed my bag. I’d made up my mind to leave and Dad put his arm around me and walked me out. “OK son,” he said. “If it’s going to be like that, you know, you’ve got to make that decision in life .... ”
I packed my little school lunch box that I had my Lego in at the time, I walked up the road towards the corner shop and Dad had his arm around me the whole way. I’ll never forget it.
We had a man-to-man chat about what I was going to do and how I was going to do it, and whether it would be a good idea in the wild streets of Geelong with the weather conditions and my lack of food and somewhere to sleep.
We got as far as the shop and he bought me 20 cents worth of mixed lollies and we walked back home and it was all fine.
Thanks Dad.