Play safe, stay home
IN case you missed, it, there is another preliminary final on this weekend which doesn’t involve Geelong, but does involve Richmond and GWS.
While the hordes of successstarved Tiger fans who are currently battling stress, sleepdeprivation and the intolerable burden of expectation that comes with finals pressure will be fully prepared for the MCG, many dangers abound for the 1256-orso Giants fans who are in for a different experience tomorrow arvo. And they must be wary.
Having had a couple of neardeath experiences involving my own team when playing against the Tiger Army, whom I begrudgingly hope achieve ultimate success this year, I would like to offer the following advice to the Orange People going along in the interests of their lifeexpectancy with these handy hints should Richmond be 100points up with a half still to play. TEST THE WATER FIRST: When gauging the mood tomorrow, consider that Richmond is full of pubs, which open late morning, which means some fans may have made an early start before the game, which doesn’t start until 4.45pm, and also means they will have been testing the water and yeast and hops for many hours already. That being the case, if Jack Riewoldt happens to miss a shot for goal early in the first term, and you stand up and say “Tyrone Vickery would have kicked it’’ then the response will determine what you should do next. If the response involves a minor sledge about your club, sit down and carry on barracking. But if you suddenly find yourself staring at a clenched fist, then please read on. GO SOMEWHERE SAFER: If Jack Riewoldt has kicked a bag, and the army is on song, you might like to consider a more secure place to hang out. Like anywhere north of Richmond. I would suggest the Northern Territory, or even North Korea. GO TO THE TOILET: If you need to leave, but don’t want to depart on the end of a torrent of abuse, just stand up and say “I’m going to the toilet’’. When you get to the toilet, run for your life to a postcode that is nowhere near 3121. For example, Geelong. When leaving the stadium, be sure to hide or dispose of any GWS supporter gear you may be wearing to avoid a confrontation with any Tiger fans trying to get into the stadium for free at threequarter time because they missed out on a ticket. DON’T GET EATEN ALIVE: When some supporters from other clubs make disparaging remarks about you, these can more often that not be dismissed as “fun’’ or “banter’’, but Richmond people are different and sometimes will do exactly as they say they will.
Therefore, if you inadvertantly break out with a small celebration when Brett Deledio gets a possession, and a Richmond fan looks you in the eye and says: “I will eat you alive’’, then best to make for the toilets because if you don’t, you may really be eaten alive.
So good luck. Have fun. Stay safe.