So, who’s a prize duffer?
”HOOLEY dooley! Rightio,” says the man in the suit and wide-brimmed hat.
He is in a bit of shock and awe, on stage in Canberra in front of a room full of farmers and agricultural types.
The bloke has just been handed a giant novelty cheque made out in his name for the princely sum of $40,000. In anybody’s language, this is plenty of chicken feed.
The beneficiary of this largesse goes on to say: “All I’m thinking about now is the things I’m going to do on my own farm.”
The donor was clear with her reason for the “award”.
In her opinion, the man in the hat is more than just the average man on the land.
This farmer is a “champion” of the farming industry and she just wanted to give him some cash to celebrate his achievements. It’s a generous thought. This kind of lump sum, tax-free award can be a life-changing injection of cash.
It’s a heart-warming story until we discover the names of the central characters and realise who is thanking who and for what.
Gina Rinehart drew the novelty cheque for the National Party candidate for New England.
Yes, the richest woman in Australia gave Barnaby Joyce $40,000 in public — just for doing his job.
The best part of this story is that the former Deputy Prime Minister and National Party-endorsed candidate did not even think about rejecting the novelty offer on the spot.
He didn’t join the dots or consider the optics.
It took him until the next morning to announce that he could not cash this novelty cheque.
He realised in the light of day this was not an award he could keep for himself.
What does this say about Australia?
If this scene had played out in Zimbabwe or Thailand, what would the Australian press and parliament determine from this interaction?
A mining and farming billionaire giving a large unprompted monetary “award” to a politician — how does that look to those of us outside the circle?
“Yeah, nothing to see here. Move on. No need for a royal commission into the banks, no need for a federal investigation into corruption. Everything here is perfectly normal. Novelty cheques are legal tender and why can’t we just acknowledge the ‘champion’ status of politicians?
“Why do we have to disguise our patronage as party donations?
“Can’t we just be transparent and put the novelty cheques straight into their pockets?”
In anybody’s language this theatre of the “award” was astonishing.
If Parliament was sitting next week, the Prime Minister would be facing tough questions from the Opposition about the ethics of the novelty cheque acceptance and the relationship between the former Deputy Prime Minister and the richest woman in the country.
Luckily for Malcolm Turnbull, Parliament is not sitting. Malcolm was smart enough to realise that he is in the middle of some battles that he cannot fight. Instead of adhering to the parliamentary timetable, he is choosing to hide under the doona.
You can’t get much more Oz than this mob.
Barnaby in a hat with novelty cheque and Mal chucking a sickie because he hasn’t got enough mates. This is where we are at Australia. In the words of the Nationals candidate for New England . . .
Hooley dooley. Rightio. Ross Mueller is a freelance writer and playwright.