Reality check

HOW tedious and predictable it all is.

It is the traditional time for new year’s resolutions, Christmas speeches from world leaders and whichever Pope happens to be around at the time.

The Queen will, of course, throw in her twopence worth, which will as usual promote a new bout of “Let us have a Republic” debate.

The world around new year is full of good intentions, promises of a better future and the eradication of almost anything that is unjust, disliked or merely gives us cause to be irritable.

So already over the past week we will have all heard the full gamut of well meaning but nonetheless meaningless homilies.

Voiced with a faux sincerity and regardless of the realities of life they are the same old messages, delivered at the same time of the year and with the same chance of success as they have had over the past 50 years.

We all know but absolutely refuse to accept that those “new year” resolutions are inevitably doomed to fail unless they are planned with an almost militarylike precision.

This is the current rate of success: If you’re under 30 years of age your chance of achieving your goals is less than 40 per cent.

Over 50 years of age the success rate drops to an alarming 14 per cent.

After extensive research I can, however, confirm that those who are realistic in their resolutions are more likely to achieve the desired results.

So if you are a 70-year-old, chain-smoking, heavy-drinking sort of person who considers putting your trousers on in the morning to be a rigorous fitness regimen, just be a little careful this year in your thoughts for a new Adonis-like body in 2018.

I should add here, to avoid any potential legal repercussions, that the 70-year-old person mentioned is, indeed, fictional and bears no resemblance to either the author or any other known person.

You want to lose 24kg over the next year?

No, no, no. To be successful what you want to lose is 2kg a month and produce a diet and exercise program to support that aim.

If you only lose 1kg in May don’t worry, just treat occasional lapses in the plan as merely a temporary setback.

For those of you that make a last minute new year resolution, forget it as your lack of commitment is guaranteed to fail.

I’m sorry, but as unpalatable as it may seem, the only sure-fire resolution to succeed is to not make that fateful, unfillable, selfdefeating and draining resolution in the first place.

Peace, love, eradicate world hunger, understanding and the consideration of others, all figure highly on the list and wishes of those in power.

Sounds like a sound bite from a Miss Universe contest, doesn’t it?

I should know. I’ve listened to the same speech for 65 years from our world leaders and Miss Universe contestants alike.

The problem is, and you really must ask yourself, has anything actually changed?

A three second time-out for reflection . . . no.

For Dr Anne Swinbourne, a behavioural psychologist at James Cook University, the best resolutions are the ones that achieve a chunk of a longer-term plan you have for yourself, rather than those that are vague and aspirational.

It just sounds too hard and too much trouble and is just so bloody serious, for thoughts and wishes that achieve very little and rarely work.

I don’t do new year’s resolutions because the only ones I could possibly keep are associated with the very things that most other people would be trying to eradicate from their repertoire of habits and addictions. So until that time when smoking, drinking, swearing, eating lots of dead animals and relentlessly avoiding any form of exercise or fruit become admired social traits, I’ll leave resolutions to those who, by and large, don’t mind reliving failure on a daily basis.