Time to invest in commonsense

WELL you could have knocked me down with a feather.

Mental health organisation beyondblue recently announced that, “new psychological research” found children confronted with failure at a young age, were better equipped to deal with life’s challenges later on?

And parents “who wrapped their kids in too much cotton wool, denied them the valuable experience which enabled them to develop mental resilience”. For a start this isn’t new. It’s called commonsense. But this so-called “new” discovery did get me wondering how and when all this mollycoddling approach to raising children began.

And I hate to admit it but I suspect it began with my generation.

Growing up in the 50s and 60s in a large working class family our Christmas presents from Santa were one large gift accompanied by a Christmas stocking.

Yet, Christmas was always a joyous occasion.

When it came to my own kids, there was a desire to give them all the things we never had.

The result being, that the lead up to Christmas each year became a fairly expensive business with stuff on lay-by and the anxiety that comes with getting the whole lot paid for by the big day.

Today I watch as some parents shower their children with so many toys at Christmas, the cost of which would feed a starving family for a year.

And I suspect their anxiety to get everything paid for by Christmas leaves them even more anxious than in my day.

Yet at the same time I also see a growing number of young parents becoming more questioning and thoughtful about what and how much they give their children.

And that certainly is a welcome sight.

But it isn’t all a generational thing either.

So-called childcare experts must also take their fair share of responsibility for having bombarded parents over the years with well-intended but often clueless advice on raising children.

Nowhere has the effect of this nonsense, because that’s all it is, been more obvious than in primary schools where a kid these days only has to sneeze on his sleeve instead of his hand to get an award for preventing a school epidemic.

Hugging another kid who is upset will earn you an award for kindness.

Picking up a paper and, yep, you got it, an award for helping keep your school tidy.

Whatever happened to a simple, “Well done!”.

And why must children always be rewarded for actions which should come naturally?

Whatever happened to real awards for real achievements for those who truly deserve them and where on earth do the instigators of this nonsense, get their ideas from?

Growing up in a large family, my mother’s reaction to complaints from her squabbling kids was simple: “If you’re not bleeding or need to go to hospital, go back outside and play.”

And that we did, deciding it was easier to behave than risk the dreaded sound of the cutlery drawer rattling and mum reaching for the wooden spoon.

While I can never remember her actually using it, the appearance of that wooden spoon in her hand was enough to make us all pull our heads in, even if only temporarily.

This was called discipline and encouraged us to use self-control and learn to get along.

As kids, we also ran wild during summer at our grandparents holiday shack at Breamlea.

How none of us were bitten by snakes or spiders as we ran rampant around the dunes, sliding through tee tree tunnels, barefoot, barelegged in shorts and T-shirts, I’ll never know.

But it was a wonderful carefree existence, which taught us resilience and independence.

Under today’s child expert guidance rules we’d have been dressed head to toe in protective clothing plus a flouro vest so the rescue helicopter could spot us if we got lost.

While raising children today is a far cry from my mother’s and indeed my time, I have no doubt most of today’s young parents could teach the so-called experts a thing or two about raising healthy, happy, resilient and welladjusted kids.

Perhaps that’s why psychologists have suddenly discovered what the rest of us have always known but often been guilty of failing to put into practice. Commonsense! And that my friends, no matter what anyone says, is something you just can’t get from a book.