Hair-raising challenge of parenting

MY six-year-old daughter stands in the changerooms after swimming, looking a little like a drenched cat.

I carefully remove a brush from my bag and she automatically cringes. As the brush catches on tangled locks, Miss Darcy calls out “ow!” and again “ow!”. Twenty “ows” later and other parents look at me sympathetically. One says “I’m glad my daughter has outgrown that stage.”

I have offered to cut her hair to make combing easier. “No!” is the reply. When she was three, I cut it anyway because I just couldn’t handle the stress.

Now, the six-year-old version has more say in how she wants her hair to look. Miss Darcy’s is a long mess of fine bouncy curls and she prefers to keep it long.

My third child and only daughter, I had imagined bonding with her over that timehonoured hair dressing ritual.

I’d seen myself gently combing her hair and braiding into pigtails, adorning it with bows.

Instead, after six years, I’m sure there are better ways to bond. It’s a daily struggle.

I have tried olive oil — suggested by a hairdresser — I have tried at least four supermarket detangling sprays and leave-in conditioners. I’ve tried braiding her hair at night time to try and make it easier when she wakes up. Nothing works. Every day before school is a chaotic game of chase as I corner her in a lounge chair. I try different tactics: quickly, so that it’s over sooner or gently, so that it doesn’t hurt so much. Nothing works. Finally, she says “I’ll do it myself.” The result is a mix of knots and a couple of brushed areas here and there. She likes it when I’m not there in the mornings. Dad doesn’t think brushing is necessary. His tactic is “avoidance is best and saves tears”.

I pick her up from school staring at her dishevelled hair in horror. Her teacher once said to me: “We can tell when you’re not at home because her hair’s not done.”

My first two are boys. There were no hair issues until much later in life when style became an issue. By that time, they could cope by themselves, but Darcy? Nope.

How long will this last? How long must I struggle with the daily knots and her screams of ‘ow’?

Perhaps I should just give up — let it matt into knots and eventually get her head shaved.

Would that make me a bad parent? Whatever happens, there are certainly no special mother-daughter bonding moments involving hair in my near future.