The business of making them pay

“What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully?” — Don Vito Corleone, The Godfather

BIG business, we need to talk.

Remember us? Time was when you couldn’t do enough for us. You promised us the world, sweet-talked us and then when you’d got what you’d want — NOTHING. What gives? It seems that it’s not just millennials who want to to be the first with the latest. Companies want to do likewise.

But with them it’s not just about the latest i-whatever. With them it’s something more insidious — human trafficking. Customers to be precise. Big business is shameless in its pursuit of new customers.

It’s big on the razzle dazzle — honeymoon rates, interestfree terms — and bigger on the fine print that many new customers, euphoric at being wooed and wanted, don’t necessarily acquaint themselves with.

And after that initial glow has faded? We’re just another line in an anonymous spread- sheet somewhere, replaced by a new generation to be swayed by the hard sell. But if you’re feeling powerless, help is at hand. You just need to fight fire with fire. Try a little razzle dazzle of your own. This week I steeled myself to have the hard conversation with one business conglomerate after a previous call last month assured me that, yes, while I was a valuable customer, no, I couldn’t access the offer that was being offered to woo new customers. The best I could expect was a brief taste of that new offer tacked on to what I was paying. They would rather risk losing me altogether than have me pay them less.

When I rang and had it explained to me again that I wasn’t eligible, I uttered the phrase that no call centre operator wants to hear:

“I’d like to cancel everything then.”

This was then followed by a distinct pause and the phrase that every downtrodden “old” customer should hear:

“I’ll just speak with my manager.”

End result? New customer rate for old customer.

Turns out that sometimes when you push back you win.

I’m not naive enough to think this scenario is the rule, not the exception, or that I can expect the same outcome next time.

Sadly, with customers everyone old is not necessarily new again.