Bangers and mush

IT’S parent-teacher interview time again — an insight into truth, preparation and behaviour. Think Salem Witch Trials meets royal commission.

Parents have no choice but to embrace the opportunity to rip the band-aid off.

Has “study time” really been code for “trawling the net for cat videos”? Or has it actually meant “study time” all along?

Many a parent has wandered back to the car in a euphoric haze. Wondering how the child who can be so difficult at home is such an angel when they’re in the classroom.

Many other parents have slumped into the front seat with a new found knowledge of homework not handed in and peer group pressure running wild.

There is no hiding from the eyes at the front of the class. Just as there is no hiding from the 30 TV cameras that follow the actions of a professional cricket team when they are playing an international Test match.

The Steve Smith confession was awkward and immature.

He did not look like a captain of an elite sporting team. He came across as guilty schoolboy, caught cheating on a maths test at an elite school.

His explanation was seemingly improvised. There was no prepared statement. No communications advice.

Details appeared to be revelations as he stumbled through the unlikely process that lead to Cameron Bancroft publicly tampering with the ball.

The way Smith tells the story, he and the “leadership group” were sitting around discussing how they could get an advantage over the Proteas.

This discussion escalated quickly and the “leadership group” decided that ball tampering may be the best solution.

Captain Smith did not stop the discussion and say, “Fellas, that’s against the laws of the game”.

According to the Smith story, a bloke named “Bangers’’ was loitering near the group, overheard the discussion and for some reason took it upon himself to get some tape, rub it in some dirt and tamper with the ball.

If you heard this story at a parent-teacher interview from your youngest, I guarantee both teacher and parent would be slack jawed in exasperation.

A textbook example of peer group pressure. Seniors having unspoken and unprovable influence over a junior.

But the fact that Smith referred to 25-year-old Cameron Bancroft as “Bangers” tells the whole story of his leadership in one sentence.

This nickname informality is fine in the change rooms. Entirely appropriate on the field or down the nets. But when the captain of Australia is confessing to conspiring to cheat; “Bangers” is disrespectful to the player, the team, the charge and the laws of the game.

Surely this is the time that you write a speech and refer to everybody involved or nobody but yourself.

It’s “Cameron” or “player Bancroft” ... not “Bangers”.

At 28, Steve Smith is the best paid captain in the history of Australian cricket. But his immaturity is overwhelming his achievements with the blade. At 25, he took over from Michael Clarke. Smith was not appointed, he was anointed.

Getting that gig guaranteed his future. This provided Smith with an ability to play his natural game and score runs. He knew he was not for the chop. He was untouchable and he was living the dream. He put his name out there to sponsor anything in the supermarket. But the wunderkind career path did not prepare him for difficult times.

A mature captain would never have let the “leadership group” conversation stray into cheating. That’s not how you prepare for the next session of a game.

This story proves the Test team rots from the head, and it also confirms that an investigation is necessary.

The role of the “leadership group” must be identified and truth must be brought to the surface. Then we can get on with the game. Smith was captain in 2016. That summer the South Africans got done for ball tampering.

This resulted in wild scenes as bodyguards protected South African captain Faf du Plessis from the media. The South Africans didn’t drop du Plessis. They played him in Adelaide.

This week du Plessis made five in the first innings and 20 in the second. Smith and Warner may have lost their careers. Ross Mueller is a freelance

writer and playwright.