A free kick to mums
GIVEN the AFL tribunal has in the past come up with a few “interesting’’ interpretations of what constitutes guilt, innocence and the vagaries of the penalties that are dished out accordingly, we can at least be sure that making contact with umpires always has and always will land you in hot water, as Tom Hawkins found out this week.
Fortunately for Tom, he only copped one week, which means all the promos he’s been involved in for the country game against Essendon the week after have not been for nought.
But there are much bigger issues at hand for Cats fans this week, who will have to change trains at Southern Cross on Sunday to catch another one to Richmond station because of trackworks or something.
For the record, this big issue is faced by thousands of supporters from the greater Geelong region who don’t barrack for Geelong most weeks when their team plays at the MCG and change trains without even thinking it’s a major drama. But never mind. Sunday is Mother’s Day, a longstanding May tradition invented by retailers who have been trying to move electric foot massagers and back-scratchers no one bought at Christmas time.
Here’s a few tips on how to keep sweet with your mum, with a bit of a footy flavour: IF she gestures with her hand to tell you to clean up all the footies scattered about the house, or dirty undies from the floor, or the bloody little plastic bits off the end of the Zooper Doopers that always get left in the sink when they should be go into the bin (and don’t get me started on the ant-attracting powers of the bits of sugary water left on the scissors when they haven’t been wiped clean with a cloth) then, whatever you do, don’t brush her hand away; otherwise you’ll get at least a week on folding the washing. IF Mum barracks for Carlton, perhaps steer clear of a football gift completely. Would be safer to buy her an iron. Actually, maybe not, as it might end up being thrown at your head. Try wine and chocolates and jewellery and stuff instead. IF Mum barracks for Richmond, tell her to settle down and that’s she’s not allowed to wear her 2017 premiership jumper out for breakfast on Sunday before the big game against Norf, and it’s probably high time she stopped wearing it to work, the shops, church, when she gets her nails done and, also, to bed. WHATEVER you do this Sunday make sure you show your mum a beaut time and thank her for all the things she does for you, and if you know someone who is without a mum or has recently lost their mum then make sure you throw your arms around them and show them a beaut time, too.