When Mum’s away, the kids play up
HOW’S it going, grown-ups? Remember me? I’m Matilda. I filled in for Dad last year when he was feeling a little under the weather and, well, I thought I’d help the poor guy out again today.
It’s not that he’s sick exactly, but he is under a fair amount of pressure on the homefront and I can tell it’s taking its toll because he seems to be going greyer by the day.
You see, Mum’s gone away for three weeks, to some place called France, and she’s left Dad running the show back home. By himself. Dad. I know, right? Now, this may hurt the old boy to hear but there’s no point in sugar-coating it. Dad’s no Mum. He just doesn’t “get me” like Mum does.
She’s finely attuned to my wacky mood swings. She changes my nappies with minimal fuss, makes my baths at the perfect temperature, and knows just how I like my hair done. Dad’s trying his best but let’s face it, and I mean this is the nicest possible way, the guy’s an oaf. His mashed potato has lumps in it, he tucks me in at night with all the finesse of a grizzly bear, and last week he dressed me in the same outfit for daycare two days in a row. But for all his flaws I felt compelled to fill in for the big guy today because I owe him at least that. I’ve been milking his ineptitude all week. I am three years old, after all. I’ve watched a heap of TV. Not just that educational stuff but all sorts of junk. I’ve tantrumed him into swapping porridge for Coco Pops for breakfast and I’ve guilted him into reading at least five bedtime stories instead of Mum’s usual one.
I’ve also picked up a whole new bunch of bad words from him that I can’t wait to go public with at a suitably inappropriate time.
But like I heard him telling Mum on the phone yesterday, there’s nothing to worry about.
Dad may be a dunce when it comes to the little things, but I know I’m in good hands.
The rapid greying of his hair is a testament to the worry and concern he has for my and my brother’s wellbeing.
I better go now, Dad’s coming to check on me and he thinks I’m asleep.
It’s almost too easy with this guy.