Lifting the weights of expectation

I JOINED a gym this week.

In the depths of a winter-enforced hibernation, I’ve decided to get moving again.

It’s been almost two years since I’ve been a regular gym goer and my expanding waistline, thanks to my slowing metabolism, is giving me all the motivation I need.

I’d like to return to my days of no-consequence junk food scoffing and drink swilling, sadly it seems those days are over — well, the no consequence part anyway.

In my battle against the bulge I committed to a yearlong gym membership.

So off I went on Monday, spring in my step, ready to get to it.

The work out started well enough — 15 minutes on the double-end boxing bag with an imaginary Rocky soundtrack playing in my ears.

Next on to a few squats, hoping the bar wouldn’t crush me or I’d fall back with it creating a scene for everyone in the gym to see.

I managed to avoid both. Phew. I was surprised at how well I remember a squat technique from my gym days in my early 20s. But as soon as I was getting confident, powering through 35kg squats, in rolled a young thundercat who slapped 40kg plates on each side of his bar and smashed through a few sets. Inside he was laughing at how light the weight was on my bar. But nevertheless I pushed on. A few more exercises and sets totalling about an hour, and I was finished. A fast-paced bike ride left me in a sweaty mess but the endorphins were flowing. I rewarded myself with a trip to the sauna but was a bit alarmed at the bloke brushing his teeth while rinsing in the shower outside it.

When I got home, in preparation for the delayed onset of muscle soreness I knew I’d be in for the next day, I did a few stretches and rolled on a foam roller. But none of it worked.

Yesterday I felt like Dermott Brereton circa 1985 VFL Grand Final when he did the chicken dance.

For the entire day I had a strange rotation in my hips as I walked, and couldn’t lift my legs properly without soreness weighing me down.

I have grand plans of morning workouts and gym classes.

Hopefully my motivation level stay as high as it now.