City makeover’s ugly side-effects

NOW I’m all for beautifying the city, but why on earth did the City of Greater Geelong ignore the obvious eyesores to spend a fortune turning Malop St into a dog’s breakfast?

Let’s start with the trees — around 53 in total, plus various shrubs and grasses, raised planter boxes, seating (a plus) and dubious artworks more suited to a kids’ playground than a bustling city centre.

And that’s just on the south side between Moorabool and Yarra streets. Then there’s the traffic chaos. Where Malop St once enjoyed free flow of traffic to the east, it is now restricted to single lanes in each direction with no right turning lane into Yarra St. The result being a bottleneck, with traffic often banked up (as was last weekend) to Gheringhap St.

But of more concern than the angst of frustrated motorists is the complete lack of consideration on the part of the creators of this space towards the elderly, the infirm, mums with kids in prams and people with disabilities, including the sight-impaired and those in wheelchairs.

And yes, I’m talking about the bike lanes.

Now I’m not against bike lanes, let’s get that straight, but it is where the luminous lights of wisdom continually choose to place them which really narks me.

Where people could once step off the gutter in Malop St and straight into a cab or their parked car, they must now negotiate two raised concrete dividers and make sure they don’t trip over or get wiped out by a cyclist, of which I’ve seen only seen one so far (and he was going like the clappers).

Surely the architects of this schmozzle realised during their creative period that not all people are young, fit and healthy or that everyone would be prepared to walk a few hundred metres to a designated walkway, especially if they have trouble seeing that far in the first place.

The sight of an elderly lady with a walking frame over the weekend, marooned while trying to negotiate the bike lane barriers was a serious worry.

In the end, she was rescued by a cab driver who came to her aid.

For cab drivers it also means having difficulty re-entering traffic and, with public car parking blocking their exit, they cannot simply turn left into Yarra St and get out of the way.

Then of course we come to the issue of emergency services and their need for 24-hour access.

Something you’d have thought would have figured high on the list of priorities in terms of any city design project. Wrong!

So if someone has a heart attack outside Myer, what with clogged up traffic, concrete structures and a virtual forest of trees blocking alternative access, are ambos going to be forced to ditch their vehicle in Yarra or Moorabool streets and lug equipment and stretcher on foot?

And, heaven forbid, in the event of a structure fire? How does City Hall expect firefighters, equipment and a truck 11 metres long and weighing 33.2 tonnes to get within a bull’s roar of a blaze unless it’s on a main corner? Your guess is as good as mine. Seems to me, the architects of this creative nightmare were handed a bucketload of money and told to go away and have fun. And they did just that. Now it’s fair to say most people would appreciate the concept of greening up the city and making it a more appealing space.

But in doing so, there is always the danger of designers going too far, of getting carried away with the tizzying-up process at the cost of practicality and common sense.

And in the end it is the public which inevitably ends up poorer for the indulgence.

It was also interesting that while recently discussing the proposed controversial High St bike lane in Belmont, Bike Safe Geelong’s Garry Laver said commuting cyclists did not mix with busy shopping strips.

Having watched pedestrian interaction with the Malop St bike lanes during the week, it became clear the raised concrete bike lane dividers pose a definite safety issue.

Still, I doubt the heads in the sand will come up for air anytime soon to grasp that observation.

In the meantime, I do hope the City of Greater Geelong has an understanding insurer and the premiums are up to date.

Where people could once step off the gutter in Malop St and straight into a cab or their parked car, they must now negotiate two raised concrete dividers.

GOES to New Zealand Foreign Minister Winston Peters who recently called on Australia to change its flag because it’s “too similar to ours”. Blow me down and butter me on both sides, you’ve only just realised this after 117 years? Australia was flying her flag in 1901 exactly one year before New Zealand hoisted hers. Sure, they registered theirs before we did ours, but seriously. Life must be pretty dull across the ditch if that’s all they have to whinge about. Besides which, everyone knows that the time set aside annually to complain about our flag, national anthem or changing the date of Australia Day is in January. So, Winston, you’re either too late or premature, depending on how you look at it. In any case, my advice is to get a grip. Try again in January — you might have a few rabid backers then. In the meantime, how about you take up ping pong or pigeon racing to relieve a bit of that political tension, eh?

Picture: GLENN FERGUSON OBSTACLES: The raised concrete bike lane dividers in Malop St are posing a definite safety issue.

THE butcher calls me ‘luv’. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s weird how once you reach a certain age people addressing you this way is kind of annoying and more than a tad patronising. Then at the supermarket the other day, my comment to the young lad serving me at the checkout was “Thanks, darling”. Whoops! When you’re a kid, someone calls you ‘luv’ and it’s a term of endearment; when you’re a teenager, it’s corny but acceptable; when you’re older, it just grates. So I’m going to keep calling the checkout kids by endearing terms ... and be grateful the butcher doesn’t call me worse than ‘luv’!