When plan B isn’t on
IT’S 3am last Sunday and Cats coach Chris Scott has just woken to realise that the nightmare he had about losing to Hawthorn the day before wasn’t actually a nightmare at all — it was real. In a desperate bid to keep Geelong’s finals hopes alive, Chris rings his brother and North Melbourne coach Brad, to see if “something can be done’’ about the outcome of his game against Western Bulldogs that afternoon. Here’s how it went**. CHRIS: Hi mate. BRAD: Who’s this? CHRIS: It’s me, your brother. The 2011 AFL premiership coach. Sorry to wake you but I need a favour.
BRAD: Don’t worry, I’m awake, up watching the Painters and Dockers special on Rage. It’s a ripper. What sort of favour?
CHRIS: I was wondering if you could help me with my coaching today.
BRAD: Today? You coached yesterday. And you lost. To Hawthorn. At the MCG. Another one of those almost-but-not-quite good enough comeback jobs. Are you all right?
CHRIS: No need to rub it in, and no, I’m not all right. It was a s--t day and “Plan A’’ didn’t um, ahh, go to plan.
BRAD: Why didn’t you go to ‘’Plan B’’ then?
CHRIS: Don’t start winding me up again, you know we don’t have a ...
BRAD: .... Plan B! Hahaha got you there again bro! Pesky “unsophisticated cliches.’’ Hahaha.
CHRIS: Shut up. How did you know about that?
BRAD: I read it in the Geelong Advertiser last year when you were challenged by that member at the AGM. It’s still online. I’ve saved it to my favourites. Hahaha.
CHRIS: Smart-arse. Very funny. Seriously though, is there any chance you could throw the game against the Dogs today so we can stay in ninth spot and still make the finals rather than you going up to 48 points and a game clear of us? You know we’re a better chance to make a preliminary final from eighth than you are, even though we’ll probably lose it.
BRAD: In your dreams. Not a chance. We’ll be about 28 points up at half-time today and then we’ll just put the foot down and ...
CHRIS: (Hangs up, goes to contacts, looks up B for Beveridge, dials number) ...
“G’day Luke, it’s Chris Scott here, sorry to wake you at this ungodly hour but I was wondering if you might be able to do me a favour today.’’
LUKE: “Sure mate. Anything for you. Shoot ...’’
**This column is not real. However the reference to a Geelong member (John Caulfield) who challenged Chris Scott about not having a “Plan B’’ at the 2017 Cats annual meeting is indeed fact, and can still be found online complete with “unsophisticated cliches.’’