Saddest loss
MY dear childhood friend recalls the story to me: “Sally said she was tired, she just wanted to stay home and sleep.”
I listen as her eyes swell with tears. “We did not know, we went out to get some takeaway.”
I have now heard the story several times, but I know she needs to go through it again and again.
“When we came back we tried to wake her …” — at this point she can no longer speak — “… but she was dead.”
As she takes a breath, she looks past me. “We all went together to tell Mum that she was gone …”
I know her mum well, we grew up in the same street. Childhood memories flood my consciousness: I remember the sleepovers, the bike rides, the laughter, and the happy memories of times long ago.
And so a husband lost his wife, a son lost his mother, a mother lost her daughter and we lost a friend and a sister.
I wonder what drove her to suicide. Why did she do it? Did she consider the guilt and pain that she would leave behind?
My dear friend recollects the events yet again, trying to analyse what went wrong. Would it have made a difference if they did not leave her alone? Should they have known something was wrong?
I listen. There is nothing I can say to take away the pain, but there is one thing I have to say: “It was not your fault, it was not anyone’s fault”.
Every day in Australia some eight people take their lives, often related to depression that is not apparent. The crushing inner sadness that hides behind many facades has again triumphed.
The death of a loved one is never easy but death by suicide makes the process of bereavement so much more difficult. I recall what I was taught: “Taking a single life — even one’s own — is seen as taking the life of the entire world; saving a single life is seen as saving the entire world.”
But life is so complex. I remind my dear friend that her suicide was not an act against God; her psychological state prevented her from being in full control of her capacities. She was depressed, she was ill, she was not herself.
Although there’s been a lot of research in the area of depression, we are still so far from truly understanding it. Today’s antidepressants act on the brain’s chemical transmitters that relay messages between brain cells, but depression is not just a ‘chemical imbalance’, it’s so much more complicated.
Founded in 2001 at Barwon Health, the Centre for Innovation in Mental and Physical Health and Clinical Treatment (IMPACT) team of some 50 researchers has pioneered a drug discovery program that has resulted in new treatments for psychiatric illness and a new understanding of the underlying pathogenesis of these disorders.
The focus has been to better understand the causes of mental health problems, and contributes significantly to the development of novel therapies and preventive interventions.
Research is the future, but helping those in need here and now is so important. Locally the Barwon Health ACCESS Team is available to the community 24hour hours a day. It provides services in mental health assessments, early crisis intervention, referral to other services and telephone phone support. Other services available to those suffering from depression include beyondblue, (call 1300 224 636), the Australian Men’s Shed Association (1300 550 009), specifically for men, and Kids Helpline (1800 551 800), for young people aged between five and 25.
Last week my friend’s life came to a close, and in the words of Dick Underwood: ... We in turn remember The good times, not the bad; We remember when you smiled at us, And not when you were sad. So when we think about your life, We won’t dwell upon its close; We’ll remember all the good times, And forget about life’s blows. We’ll remember all the happiness, The joy and not the tears; The assurance and the confidence, And not irrational fears. Our lives have all been better, Because you have been there; So now we leave your memory, In God’s all-loving care. Professor Ruth Salom is Barwon Health CEO