WHY THE WEST IS BEST

LET’S be honest, unless you are a Collingwood supporter, you’re going to feel dirty cheering on those blokes in black and white today.

But the alternative, West Coast, doesn’t sound that great either, does it?

I mean, do you really want to see a team with one of the worst jumpers and arguably the worst club song win the flag? Not really. But don’t worry! It’s not all doom and gloom.

Here are a few reasons why throwing your support behind West Coast, and the state of Western Australia, may not be a bad thing after all. A what? Doesn’t that sound a bit dirty.

Good news is a sandgroper isn’t what you expect it to be. They aren’t the type of person who lurks in the sand dunes of Jan Juc or Ocean Grove.

They’re actually an insect that is found in Western Australia, but we still call people from over there that anyway. Huh? Isn’t CUB based in Melbourne?

Well, we’re not talking about Carlton & United Breweries, we actually mean the Cashed Up Bogans.

Good news is Western Australia is the home of the Cashed Up Bogan, with many travelling from other parts of Australia to live in Perth and work in the mines.

The bogan magnet that is Perth is great for us Victorians, with our great unwashed heading west, leaving our suburbs with a few less morons.

So how does Perth cope with so many bogans?

Well for a week or so each year every Cashed Up Bogan heads to Bali for some sun, Bintang singlets, bad tattoos, stomach upsets and horrible hair braids.

It may be brief, but there is some relief. Small latte? That’ll be $9.95 thanks. Large? That’s $25.35.

Perth’s coffee prices are through the roof and it actually makes our cafes look reasonably priced.

Spend a week in Perth and come home and get your usual order at the local cafe. You’ll be floored when the hipster barista mutters, “that's just $4.50”. Their two best midfielders are Victorian. Even the best things in the west come from the east. Even if they’re suspended.

Need we say more? Pretty self-explanatory this one. Anyone but Collingwood.