PTSD anguish a bridge
WEEKEND READ
HE can still see the face of the innocent girl flung off the West Gate Bridge and wishes he could have done more.
Almost a decade on, former police officer Gary Drummond is unable to fully reconcile the depraved act of the girl’s father with his duty to protect the public.
The tragic death of fouryear-old Darcey Freeman saw Victoria pause in 2009, but since the events of that January day Mr Drummond’s life has stood still.
A uniform sergeant at Altona, Mr Drummond was called to co-ordinate the emergency response.
“As I looked over (the bridge rail), I could see her at the bottom and it just hit me all at once,” he said.
“If I’m in a really bad state thinking about Darcey Freeman (now), I get the feeling as if someone is walking on my grave and I look behind me and I can see a little girl.”
After a three-decade police career, Mr Drummond was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, partly stemming from the events atop the West Gate Bridge.
“I thought I was OK, but like everything else back then, you couldn’t say much,” he said.
Mr Drummond saw bloodied bodies, was the target of a suspected gun shot and punched like a bag at a wild pub brawl during his career.
He has a recurring dream — he’s jumped off the West Gate Bridge and wakes in a cold sweat as he hits the water.
Unwillingly, Mr Drummond was medically retired in 2017 as the grip of PTSD proved too strong.
His relationship with his kids suffered, and he’s not the same man his wife fell in love with more than 30 years ago.
“A lot of these relationships have broken down. With PTSD, you don’t have the same emotions or feeling that most people do,” he said. “It’s hard living in that shell.”
Mr Drummond contemplates suicide every day, but the hurt it would leave behind steers him away.
His wife is reluctant to leave for work at times, due to his mental state.
For three years, PTSD has left Mr Drummond housebound in Curlewis, reluctant to go out without his wife’s support.
The face of PTSD shows itself in different ways; at times there’s no motivation to get out of bed or he’s paralysed by loud noises. Panic can set in while putting on his motorbike helmet.
Mr Drummond is speaking