Zip the code
JANUARY is a dangerous time to be an Australian politician. Contemporary history tells us it can be four weeks of miscalculated promises and uncircumnavigated consultations.
Former prime minister Tony Abbott sealed his fate in the height of a Canberra summer. In the sweaty lead-up to Australia Day, he went rogue and announced that “knights and dames” were back in the game and the highest honour was going to be presented to the Queen’s husband, Prince Philip. This misstep was one of Mr Abbott’s “captain’s calls” and it paved the way for his demise.
It’s fair enough to put your name to something outrageous, but when you make the decision to fly solo on emotional pushbutton issues you need a Maverick or a Goose as a wingman, before you start throwing dead cats on the table.
Nobody really wants that kind of responsibility when it’s so hot and it’s hard to make decisions. Perhaps that is why the New Year period is a time when smart politicians are hibernating or quietly attending community events such as the Sydney Test or the Pier to Pub in Lorne or the jolly polo in Portsea.
As PM you can’t go missing. You can’t go on a holiday because you will be labelled a “leaner” and not a “lifter”. Parliament is in recess so you can’t legislate or negotiate. You have to do something. So what can you do? Hit out about Australia Day. This is the template for the contemporary Coalition.
In the past we’ve had the confected outrage from Mitch Fifield, complaining that Triple J programmed its Top 100 for a different date. We’ve had the eternal revisitation of the refusal to discuss the concept of “change the date” and now our current PM has nailed his colours to the mast re: January 26 and he is going hard on . . . “dress code”.
Yes, not only does our trucker cap-wearing PM believe he has the right to order local governments to hold citizenship ceremonies on January 26 (or have their right to hold these ceremonies removed) but he’s doubled down and demanded a dress code be enforced.
This is the PM who wants to be known informally and affectionately as “ScoMo”. The man who skolled a beer at the Prime Minister’s XI game in Canberra. The man who wore board shorts to meet volunteer firefighters is declaring: “No boardies and no thongs or no citizenship.”
Local government representatives say they have not been consulted on this matter. Nor have they been complaining about citizens arriving in unacceptable attire.
The banning of board shorts in January is un-Australian and completely unnecessary. So, how will the dress code be enforced?
Perhaps Barnaby Joyce (a former bouncer) will trawl the civic halls of regional Australia and deny entry to anybody he “doesn’t like the look of”.
The PM’s declaration demonstrates a lack of focus for genuine issues of this summer.
While Canada welcomed a young female refugee from Saudi Arabia, our Deputy Prime Minister was dressing up as Elvis Presley in Parkes.
(It’s lucky he wasn’t attending a citizenship ceremony, because he most certainly would have been asked to leave the premises.)
Our Deputy PM dragged his tonsils across a tone-deaf version of Viva Las Vegas, cheerfully raising money for drought relief while hundreds of thousands of fish rotted in the Murray Darling Basin. The piscatorial pictorial demonstrates a need for urgent attention. This is an ecological and political disaster and the questions are coming thick and fast. Was this man-made or natural? Who is responsible and who is going to take care of the cleanup? How can we stop this from happening again and who was the Minister for Water? Management of water is a serious concern in this country. Low flow was identified as a “serious risk” to river health. On Monday, the director of the Australia Institute claimed “two Sydney Harbours worth of water” has been removed from the Menindee Lakes in the past few years. He posited that this mismanagement by agribusinesses is the primary cause for the deaths of the fish. Australia needs more than quick cash and an Elvis impersonator to fix this systemic problem. But this is January. Our pollies go troppo and forget that they have been elected to lead. This PM may wake up in March and discover his Australia Day dress code decision was his knights and dames moment under the January sun. Ross Mueller is a freelance writer and playwright