Sneaky shoes have done a runner

AT least they’ve gone to a good home.

That’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

To get a full appreciation of this Take Two, you need to rewind to last Tuesday.

The alarm had gone off at 5.25am and I’d slowly dragged my sorry bum out of bed to head to the gym.

Dressed and ready to go by 5.40am, I went to the front door and looked for my runners.

That’s where they have been for the past three weeks. How do I know that? Because that was the last time I wore them to the gym and I haven’t used them since.

So I was stunned that they weren’t there when I opened the door. Where were they? They were bright blue and brand-new. They were impossible to miss.

“Hol, where did you put my runners?” I yelled down the house, forgetting that it’s ridiculous-o’clock and I’d probably wake up the neighbours.

“I haven’t touched ‘em, Ren,” came the reply.

“Did you move them the other day when it was raining and there was water coming in under the veranda?” I quickly retorted. “Ren, I didn’t touch your s--t. Have you left them in the car, like you leave our cups and our plates and your clothes?” I rolled my eyes. Not the situation to get lippy, Holly. I decided to bite my tongue and go hunting through my closet. Maybe the sneaker fairies picked them up, moved them to my closet and let them sit there so they wouldn’t get wet. No luck. Holly started laughing. Not the situation to laugh at, Holly. Again I decided to bite my tongue and go grab a fresh pair out of the box.

It was at that moment I realised just how fat I was.

I had a brand new pair of runners stolen from our porch and in three weeks I didn’t even notice. How would my conversation with the police go?

“Hi, I’d like to report a crime. I’ve had something stolen from my property and I’d like you to investigate.” “When was it stolen?” “Some time in the month of June. I’m not totally sure when it was, but some time then.”

Could you imagine the silence from the other end?

I wonder what has happened to my runners. Hopefully it has inspired the thief into a health kick.

He or she will probably get more use out of them anyway.