Fancy dress is a chance to stress

YOU know what scares me most about one day becoming a parent? Dress-ups. Yep. You heard me. It’s not the dirty nappies, the sleepless nights, the wasted money.

It’s having to find a costume for my kid for the endless amounts of days that involve dressing up.

You’ve got book week, theme days, costume parties, school concerts — the list is endless.

I’ve heard some horror stories from people in the Geelong

Advertiser office when they speak of their book week experiences.

And let’s be honest: There isn’t just competition between the kids about who has come to school looking the coolest. Because I have no doubt there are mini-rivalries between their parents as well.

I can just imagine some mums up past midnight slowly sewing away at their kid’s costume. “This will teach Sally for cutting me off in the car park five years ago and not saying sorry,” they’ll say with an evil laugh. “My kid is going to look so much better than hers!” I don’t know how my anxiety about dressing up developed. As a kid I was decked out in some of the best costumes you could imagine. Hmmm … thinking about it, maybe mum did have a car park score to settle! In seriousness, though, my Baba (grandma in Ukrainian), would work her backside off to have me looking good. I’ve been a wizard, a cowboy, a Cossack (Ukrainian warrior), among a whole heap of other things. But somewhere along the way I started to hate the idea of dressing up. In high school I went to a movie-themed disco dressed as … wait for it … an extra in a film. Why? Because extras can wear casual clothes. I didn’t have to look like a moron in some weird costume.

I was the only one not dressed up that night. Pretty cool, eh?

Even now, if you don’t want me to come to your party, make sure it’s one that involves some kind of costume.

Theme dinner parties are also a no for me.

I’d rather sit on the couch and eat takeaway.

So I kind of feel sorry for any future Reynolds children.

Because they won’t be able to rely on their dad to make book week a hit.

Hopefully their mum delivers.