Balancing act

HOW do we find a good work-life balance? This is one of the more commonly requested topics by work groups for talks about mental health, but I think it’s a much more complicated question than it looks.

Even asking this question seems to imply that, if only we manage our lives well, we can experience a harmonious balance of roles and demands in our everyday lives.

I question whether this is often possible, especially for people who are juggling multiple roles and responsibilities. I imagine that for many workers raising a young family, doing exams, starting a business or taking on leadership roles, the notion of having a good work-life balance is little more than an attractive-sounding idea.

For those who are organising major events or taking on additional creative projects over and above their usual work, any hope of having such a balance might at least temporarily go out the window.

Looking at the bigger picture I think sometimes we might have to go out of balance to experience a more balanced life later on, where we might have attained a broader range of long-term goals.

Raising a family is one such example. I’ve seen many mothers as clients in the past who couldn’t commit to my request to find at least one 90-minute period and an additional 45-minute period each week to do nothing but recharge their batteries in their preferred way. Pressing the issue too strongly might have seemed like just one more demand.

Maybe there are stages of life where expecting ourselves to find a good balance between work, family and other commitments could put more pressure on us than it’s worth.

Feeling stretched for lengthy periods, and perhaps temporarily overwhelmed, might be even more troublesome if we expected ourselves to be in a perpetual state of harmony.

I think positive psychology’s reference to PERMA, the five core pillars of wellbeing, is relevant here.

According to Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, there are five key ways of pursuing happiness, some of which might be in conflict.

PERMA stands for positive affect, engagement in activities and life roles, relationships, meaning and achievement.

Those pursuing particular career interests, such as undertaking an extra course of study, might benefit from increased engagement, personal meaning and achievement, but might be sacrificing some family time and social leisure for an extended period.

Rather than striving for continuous work-life balance, I think the main thing is to be aware of the relative sacrifices we are making, including the impact on family and other goals. Hopefully there are ways of making this up later on.

In the meantime, when we’re juggling several roles it helps to be alert to signs of burnout, or feeling overwhelmed by increased demands.

We all have our personal stress signature, whereby we have characteristic symptoms or unwanted reactions when the demands on us outstrip our coping resources. Burnout signs include physical symptoms, such as increased tension in parts of the body, disrupted sleep and increased tiredness. Emotional symptoms may include irritability and sadness. There can be poor concentration and negative thoughts.

Socially, we might become a little more withdrawn. On a spiritual dimension we might experience less sense of purpose or meaning and question the value of what we’re doing.

Noticing such signs can remind us to actively attempt to reduce demands and bolster our coping strategies. We might commit to improving our diet, exercise or sleep. We might draw more on our social supports. We’d better take persistent symptoms seriously, as lingering burnout can lead to depression.

But I don’t think we need to be overly concerned if we experience some of these reactions briefly when we are tested by our various roles. Sometimes being stretched is part of living a full life.

The key is to recognise when the sacrifices are impacting on our own and others’ wellbeing.

Sometimes our striving may be excessive. But it wouldn’t be balanced to expect ourselves to be in balance all of the time.

Chris Mackey is a Fellow of The Australian Psychological Society. Find tips about mental health and wellbeing at www.chrismackey.com.au/resources.