Terror widow calls for understanding
Hamimah Tuyan, widowed in last year’s Christchurch mosque shootings, has developed a coping mechanism with her sons when her heart longs for her husband, Zekeriya.
“My sons and I have this thing. They say, ‘If we miss Baba, we will just hug you tightly. Because you are him and he is you’,” she said. “So I respond saying ‘when I miss him I will hug you, too, because you is him and he is you’. I don’t know what I have done to be blessed with them.”
Dr Tuyan (inset) returned to Christchurch this week for just the second time since the attack on March 15 last year.
The speech and language therapist moved to New Zealand with her family in 2013 after winning a scholarship to complete her PhD.
She left Christchurch after finishing her studies in late 2018, hopeful of reuniting as a family in June last year.
Dr Tuyan is one of 31 women widowed by the attack, New Zealand’s worst mass shooting.
She speaks with remarkable grace when she remembers her husband. “He was a hero ... a doting husband,” she said.
“He was a principled man, a hardworking man. He was quiet but humble. He never had a bad thought for anybody. If he hears anybody saying a bad word about anybody he would signal to me to ‘sssh’. That’s the kind of man he was.”
Like many, Dr Tuyan was left searching for meaning in the aftermath of the attacks.
She found it in the very thing that made her family a target – her faith. “Islam plays a very big special role in this,” she said.
“We have a lot of stories and examples in the Koran about how more important people have been able to overcome their sadness and their depression and far worse experiences and situations than this. That has given me a lot of healing ... (helping) me to change our mindset and not to be bogged down by sadness.
“That is what the supremacist and his supporters would want us to do. Fear cannot overcome faith.”
Dr Tuyan has also found strength in telling her story.
She is one of four women who have been profiled in a documentary series, launched this month, called Widows of Shuhada.
She was also to address the national remembrance service yesterday, which was unfortunately cancelled due to fears it could spread coronavirus. Dr Tuyan said she hoped to issue a challenge to New Zealanders to understand Islam.
“It’s our responsibility. Every one of us will be accountable for this if we don’t learn from this experience and understand,” she said.
“If we do not want 15th March to happen again we all need to read up and learn about each other.
“To see that there are a lot of similarities rather than differences. We all have a role to play in calling out hate speech whether its coming from politicians or the neighbour. I’m inviting our community to play a proactive role.’’