Family matters
THERE is much talk about the inevitable relationship breakdowns that have happened during these intense times, but perhaps it’s also important to look at those connections that have blossomed.
Just this weekend I caught up with a gorgeous friend who is smack in the middle of those glorious early days of a relationship where the first flushes of love are still making their way into his heart and mind.
They dated slowly and mindfully. For six weeks during lockdown they met once a week and walked and talked. For hours at a time. Observing social distancing, of course.
By the time they had their first dinner date they’d done nearly an entire day of straight conversation. A few weeks on from that and they’re already getting ready to meet each other’s children.
There is a lot to be said about taking time together. Really taking time. Lockdown forced people to talk, whether they liked it or not. Cohabiting relationships — marriages or otherwise — were the first to feel the pressure. All of a sudden people who would usually avoid each other (deliberately?) through work, hobbies and socialising were made to stare at the same four walls with each other. Every day.
Cracks started to appear almost immediately. People who had been maintaining relationships while living completely separate lives came to realise they had nothing in common any more. Or simply didn’t like each other. Once the veil of busy-ness was lifted some people weren’t happy with what they saw. Cue a surge in breakups. And, tragically, domestic violence.
On the flip side, isolation gave new relationships a chance to grow and solid partnerships the opportunity to reconnect. I’m lucky enough to have a partner I wanted to isolate with. We’ve essentially been hunkered down since we met so it wasn’t a great impost. It was actually a struggle to get back into socialising.
None of us can yet tell yet exactly how lockdown will have shaped our future relationships, but I like to think that the strong ones will not only survive but thrive. If a marriage stars characters who can’t bear to spend time together, then is it a marriage at all? It’s not normal that people who love each other should be apart for much of their lives and then be unhappy when forced together.
Being busy is not a solution for dealing with your not-so-better half, yet it happens all the time.
When it comes to connecting, families often bury themselves in their gadgets and can go days or even weeks without a proper conversation. It’s worth thinking about times gone by — before electricity — where families would sit around together each evening at the homestead engaging with one another. Being interested in one another. We all disappear into our gadgets now, sitting in the same room or bed, yet more apart than we’ve ever been.
Lockdown provided a massive lesson in loneliness for those friends and neighbours who did spend isolation … well, in isolation. It made me realise how much they surely missed hugs and chitchat. It made me realise how grateful I am to have my beloved close by.
I’ve never been worried about being alone until I witnessed how real the struggle was for some. It made me appreciate how most of us really don’t want to be alone. Lockdown didn’t cater for single folk, so I know I have a skewed view of what it was like. And I’m not saying all the singles had a rough time; I know my mate who found love would argue it was the perfect slow start a relationship like theirs needed.
As the threat of lockdown looms once again, it’s time to take stock and assess those relationships that mean the most to us. And cut the cord of partnerships that are doing us damage. Foster genuine friendships and understand what you really want. All the social media friends in the world are nothing compared to a real hug, in real life.