Balancing acts
IN especially demanding times, such as we have faced this year with COVID-19, some common psychological advice is to “cut yourself some slack”. But what does this involve in practical terms?
The theme of self-compassion, in its simplest sense, means treating yourself as you would treat a friend. That includes planning positive experiences for yourself and cutting back on self-criticism.
Self-compassion has several core components. It starts with acknowledging to yourself that you are struggling. The recent R U OK? Day is largely designed to help us acknowledge this to ourselves and others without stigma, and to make it easier to elicit support.
A second component is to recognise that our struggles are completely understandable given our circumstances. Our vulnerability relates to our common humanity.
A most important third component is to then take some active steps to help improve the situation.
I think that self-compassion relates to finding a balance between three evolutionary systems that most influence our behaviour. If we get these systems out of balance, we can experience prolonged stress reactions and burnout.
The drive system relates to patterns of behaviour that are directed toward achieving goals. This includes work and study goals, home duties, various tasks of daily living or pursuing achievement of whatever sort.
The drive system is mediated by the neurotransmitter dopamine, which relates to the anticipation of reward. Dopamine helps motivate us to work toward our goals, even when the anticipated rewards might be years down the track. If we had no drive system, we wouldn’t be able to achieve anything, and we simply wouldn’t survive.
Another system is our soothing and nurturing system. This supports our survival as it’s a key system for raising our young. It also applies to self-soothing, such as pampering ourselves — taking time out for relaxation and leisure activities and doing things that “recharge our batteries”.
The nurturing system is mediated by oxytocin, a cuddle hormone, as well as serotonin, which helps to calm us. If the drive and soothing systems get out of balance as a result of the drive system being too strong or too little activation of our soothing system, then we will tend to develop stress reactions associated with a third system.
The threat system, which is associated with fight or flight or freeze responses, relates to survival mechanisms that mobilise us in response to perceived threat or danger. This system is mediated by norepinephrine, a form of internal adrenaline.
Our body may react in very similar ways when we feel under excess pressure from life demands, or situations when our lives are in actual danger. The same threat system is activated in either case. Such reactions to threat or stress of other kinds will often include increases in our heart rate, breathing and muscle tension, which prepare us to fight or flee. In some circumstances, these reactions might trigger panic attacks, which are not inherently dangerous, but may be extremely unsettling.
If stress reactions persist, our level of cortisol, a stress hormone, will increase and stay elevated. This can then contribute to persistent symptoms of fatigue, irritability, forgetfulness, headaches, intestinal problems, increased blood pressure and other symptoms.
If we find that such reactions are persistent, there is a strong chance that our drive systems and self-soothing systems are out of balance. This is all the more likely if we have perfectionistic tendencies, or we become a little too rigid or demanding of ourselves in our conscientiousness. When the stresses we face are ongoing, it’s best to relax our expectations of ourselves and others to help us cope.
We might then ask ourselves, can we cut back on some demands while prioritising our key tasks and roles? Can we draw on more support, or can we spend a bit more time on self-soothing activities including physical exercise? It can greatly help if we regularly practise a tension reduction technique, such as relaxation or mindfulness techniques, meditation or yoga.
Such disciplines help strengthen our capacity and skills for self-soothing. Regularly engaging in at least one of these practices goes a long way to promoting good mental and physical health.
Chris Mackey is a principal psychologist at Chris Mackey and Associates, Geelong. Practical tips for positive mental health and wellbeing, including the Psych Spiels and Silver Linings podcast, can be found at chrismackey.com.au/resources