Pleasure-based living
A modern woman’s guide to a happy, healthy, turned-on life.
Sexuality is an integral part of being human, fundamental to how we experience life as a whole and an important aspect of our overall wellbeing, yet it is often overlooked due to its taboo nature.
Erotic intelligence is an acquired skill for most. On the way out are the days where PornHub is the sex-ed go-to and incoming is the rise of healthy sexuality. With it comes new role models, professional teachers, thought-provoking podcasts, Instagram challenges, and integrational tools to help us to develop a meaningful relationship to our sexuality and reignite our lust for life.
It’s exciting to consider that owning your sexuality is owning your power; that part of you that can hold a boundary, embody confidence and infuse pleasure into every moment. Feeling alive, vital and turned-on fills you with vigour for yourself, your life and everything that you are bringing into it. The best news is that you have the ability to access this state – no matter your relationship status.
Pleasure-based living is a framework designed to integrate more pleasure into your daily life so that you can feel happy, healthy and turned-on (in, and outside, the bedroom). So no matter where you’re at currently, the foundations are here, on which you can build on at any stage.
Your pleasure mindset
Health and wellness start between the ears and it’s no different when it comes to sexuality. Like how gratitude helps to shift your state, switching to a pleasure mindset will help to expand your receptivity in all areas of your life. By heightening your awareness to pleasure, even the most mundane tasks can become enjoyable. You’re not just doing the dishes, you’re feeling every little bubble popping on your skin. You’re not just having a shower, you’re feeling the sensations of the warm water draping over your body. In each moment you can choose to enjoy the pleasure that is available to you by simply asking yourself “how can I bring more enjoyment to this experience right now?”.
Give yourself permission
When you give yourself permission to delight in your experience and be genuinely happy with it, you create an easeful flow between you and life. Yet mainstream social constructs suggest that you need to be demure to fit in. Enough of the false modesty and guilt. Give yourself full permission to acknowledge and enjoy your life. All the affirmations in the world won’t save you unless you’re actually allowing yourself to receive the pleasure you deserve. Don’t be afraid of shining, and know that you are worthy of the sex, love and life you want.
Take responsibility
It’s easy to pass the responsibility of our sexual vibrancy onto others, expecting the other party to turn us on and make us feel desired. But the reality is; a fulfilling sex life and meaningful love starts with you. By prioritising your pleasure, you are claiming your sovereignty, which in turn brings a sense of empowerment and pride. Taking responsibility for your turn-on looks different to everyone, it can start with exploring your unique arousal or understanding your emotional intimacy needs.
Setting healthy boundaries
A big component of pleasure-based living is feeling safe to set healthy boundaries and stick to them with integrity. Self-care is not selfish, and actually, it’s only when we start to show up for ourselves in the most exquisite way that we can really start to show up in the world. Learning to build and set boundaries starts with what you do/do not want. Communicate to your loved ones and peers you’re going through boundary bootcamp and if you’re a little wobbly at the start, to practice kindness and compassion. This is about ensuring your health and happiness which relationships will only benefit from in the end.
Create space
Pleasure exists in spaciousness and it needs to be prioritised daily. We live in a world where “busy” is a status symbol and our to-do lists are a measurement of our self-worth. But pleasure cannot thrive in this environment. Allowing yourself to integrate more spaciousness into your day-to-day invites a sense of freedom and gives you permission to stop and smell the roses. What events in your calendar are no longer serving and how can you re-prioritise to suit your needs now?
Intentional self-pleasure
Bring a sense of sacredness to your sexy self-care and treat yourself as if you are the guest of honour in your life. Our sexual organs are the roots of life and are connected to all other organs in the body. Without a connection to our sexuality, we can’t truly connect to our source of power, we start to lack drive, creativity, motivation and feel somewhat… dull. Resonate? A regular self-pleasure practice helps to cultivate and balance that lower belly, feel-good energy and use it as rocket-bliss-fuel in everyday life. Start by writing yourself a pleasure menu, fill it with things that excite you and explore your menu every day. Change it or add to it as you grow and learn more about yourself. There is no blanket right or wrong when it comes to sexual self-expression. Know that orgasm is not the goal and release expectations of what self-pleasure should look like. Actively pursue new practices that excite you to get back in touch with yourself – literally.
Like most meaningful pursuits in life, moving towards a pleasure-based lifestyle takes time and is a journey to be enjoyed. Invite a sense of playfulness, no matter where you’re at within your sexuality right now. It’s not just about orgasms, it’s not just about sex, it’s about having the capacity to enjoy your life as well, so make sure while you’re learning to have a good time, you’re having a good time doing it – in the bedroom and beyond.