Why you need to get naked emo­tion­ally be­fore you get naked phys­i­cally

Great Health Guide - - CONTENTS - Matthew An­der­son

Jenny is 32 years old and sin­gle. She is an at­trac­tive brunette whose bright en­ergy fills my com­puter screen as we Skype our ses­sion. Six months ago she ended a four-year re­la­tion­ship and is dating again. She starts our con­ver­sa­tion with a very di­rect ques­tion: ‘Doc­tor Matthew, I know this might sound weird but I want to know when is it the right time to get naked with a new guy?’ We both laugh warmly at her blunt hon­esty and be­gin a dis­cus­sion of a topic that is im­por­tant to many sin­gle peo­ple of both sexes and all ages. When is it OK to get naked?

Our con­ver­sa­tion took many turns and went to great depth. What fol­lows is a com­pos­ite of the most rel­e­vant points and some di­rect ad­vice for all sin­gles.

I did not give Jenny a spe­cific time or num­ber of dates. In­stead I spoke to her about two dif­fer­ent, yet deeply re­lated, kinds of naked­ness.

I sug­gested that the im­por­tant thing was to take both into con­sid­er­a­tion and put them in the proper or­der and then she would know when it was right for her to ‘get naked’.

Phys­i­cal naked­ness is the kind most of us are aware of and are think­ing about when we be­gin a new re­la­tion­ship. The com­mon ques­tion is: When do we de­cide that it is OK to get naked and have a sex­ual en­counter with this new per­son?

Emo­tional naked­ness has to do with in­ti­macy, the kind that is re­lated to our heart. It is about get­ting to know our new part­ner in mean­ing­ful ways and open­ing up our in­ner selves with each other at deeper and deeper lev­els. It has to do with shar­ing and lis­ten­ing and be­ing vul­ner­a­ble and drop­ping the masks that we of­ten hide be­hind.

Both kinds of naked­ness are part of a lov­ing re­la­tion­ship. The is­sue is in what or­der should they oc­cur to give the new re­la­tion­ship the best chance of be­com­ing some­thing mean­ing­ful. Too of­ten, we get phys­i­cally naked be­fore we get emo­tion­ally naked and that or­der of­ten cre­ates great con­fu­sion. Here is why.

Sex gen­er­ates many feel­ings and it ex­poses us, lit­er­ally and sym­bol­i­cally, to the other per­son with­out our de­fenses. Get­ting naked phys­i­cally be­fore we truly get to know our new part­ner can cause quite a bit of con­fu­sion. When we in­ter­act sex­u­ally we have deep emo­tions (yes, this is a fact for men as well as women). But those emo­tions have nowhere to go if we do not re­ally know our part­ner. We are just a hot body con­nect­ing to an­other hot body and not yet real hu­man be­ings to each other. An en­counter de­signed to be a pow­er­ful part of a much greater life ex­pe­ri­ence in which two hearts con­nect and go even deeper with in­ti­mate love mak­ing, be­comes, at best a mu­tual mas­tur­ba­tion event and falls far short of its in­cred­i­ble po­ten­tial.

Why is this im­por­tant? Can’t two peo­ple, meet, find each other at­trac­tive and share their bod­ies, con­sen­su­ally and that is all it needs to be? Why do we have to do this emo­tional naked thing? The is­sue here is not that we have to do any­thing. The is­sue is what we will miss if we ne­glect the emo­tional naked part be­fore we get phys­i­cally naked. Hav­ing sex be­fore we be­come truly emo­tion­ally naked means that we will only con­nect at the sur­face. Our con­nec­tion will be shal­low and we will be un­able to han­dle the feel­ings that al­ways (yes, al­ways) ac­com­pany phys­i­cal in­ti­macy. If we, how­ever, take the time and make the ef­fort to mu­tu­ally open our­selves in a mean­ing­ful way, we cre­ate a con­nec­tion that will take phys­i­cal in­ti­macy to an

Hu­mans be­ing are de­signed to com­bine sex­ual in­ti­macy with emo­tional in­ti­macy. There are two kinds of naked­ness: phys­i­cal naked­ness and emo­tional naked­ness.

en­tirely new depth of ex­pe­ri­ence. Then our re­la­tion­ship can blos­som beau­ti­fully and we can be­gin to ex­plore what sex and love are truly all about.

Fi­nally, many sin­gle peo­ple have told me that re­ally get­ting to know a new per­son first can of­ten stop the phys­i­cal en­counter com­pletely, be­cause they re­al­ize that the per­son they thought was so at­trac­tive re­ally is not.

So you de­cide. When should you get naked? Do the emo­tional part first and you will make much hap­pier and wiser de­ci­sions about sex. En­joy!

We can cre­ate an emo­tional con­nec­tion that will take the phys­i­cal in­ti­macy to an en­tirely new depth of ex­pe­ri­ence.

Rev­erend Matthew An­der­son has a Doc­tor of Min­istry spe­cial­is­ing in coun­selling and has ex­ten­sive train­ing and ex­pe­ri­ence in Gestalt and Jun­gian Psy­chol­ogy. He has helped many cou­ples and sin­gles suc­cess­fully nav­i­gate re­la­tion­ship is­sues. His best seller, The Res­ur­rec­tion of Ro­mance is an ex­am­ple of the goals he plans to achieve and is also a re­sult of his in­tensely ro­man­tic re­la­tion­ship with his part­ner Sunny. Matthew can be con­tacted through his web­site.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.