In­ti­macy RAD­I­CAL to cre­ate Ec­stasy

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Ev­ery­one knows that fall­ing in love is a pretty in­cred­i­ble ex­pe­ri­ence. In fact, most of us would say it is fan­tas­tic. But sadly, many of us miss out on the most won­der­ful gift that romantic love of­fers us. Today, how­ever, you do not have to miss out be­cause I am go­ing to share that se­cret with you. Read on and en­joy! In the con­text of a romantic re­la­tion­ship, rad­i­cal in­ti­macy means, giv­ing one’s Beloved to­tal ac­cess to one’s in­ner be­ing (source, root) in a con­tin­u­ing act of lov­ing self-rev­e­la­tion and sac­ri­fice while si­mul­ta­ne­ously re­ceiv­ing the in­ner be­ing (source, root) of one’s Beloved as a pre­cious and sa­cred gift. To­tal ac­cess to one’s in­ner be­ing does not mean that we nec­es­sar­ily com­mu­ni­cate ev­ery thought, feel­ing or mem­ory that ex­ists in our minds. It does mean that we sac­ri­fice gladly our ego de­fenses and al­low our part­ner to see who we re­ally were, are and hope to be. This process can be fright­en­ing and ex­tremely dif­fi­cult if it is at­tempted out­side of the con­text of romantic love. But romantic love cre­ates a very spe­cial at­mos­phere in which we can find the courage and abil­ity to bare our souls with our Beloved and in that process find a new and glo­ri­ous vi­sion of self and the other. Rad­i­cal in­ti­macy in­tro­duces us to a pre­ciously rare level of non-de­fen­sive vul­ner­a­bil­ity that al­lows a heart-to-heart flow of com­mu­ni­ca­tion of words, touch, see­ing and be­ing seen and emo­tion that is al­most com­pletely un­avail­able to the non-ini­ti­ated. Here, two lovers en­ter a world of close­ness and in­tense sen­si­tiv­ity that tran­scends a nor­mal re­la­tion­ship. They slip eas­ily past the bound­aries and blun­ders of im­ma­tu­rity, de­fen­sive­ness, sar­casm, hurt, anger and mis­un­der­stand­ing into a space of ten­der­ness, gen­tle­ness, grate­ful­ness and joy. Con­flict be­comes al­most non-ex­is­tent and in its place emerges an ever grow­ing ex­pe­ri­ence of grace and pre­cious­ness that per­me­ates ev­ery in­ter­ac­tion. Rad­i­cal in­ti­macy pro­duces a non-or­di­nary ex­pe­ri­ence of re­la­tion­ship. It is so un­usual that even its joy be­comes dif­fi­cult to tol­er­ate and



most cou­ples will, af­ter they have reached their tol­er­a­tion point, be­gin to un­con­sciously gen­er­ate be­hav­ior that erodes it. This can oc­cur in var­i­ous ways but im­ma­tu­rity usu­ally pro­vides the most ef­fec­tive in­ti­macy-block­ing be­hav­ior. Cou­ples at this stage will say hurt­ful child­ish things, be­come ir­ri­tated by rel­a­tively in­signif­i­cant habits or com­ments, add sar­casm to hu­mor, of­fer crit­i­cism at in­op­por­tune mo­ments and em­bar­rass each other in pub­lic. The list of im­ma­tu­rity gen­er­ated neg­a­tiv­ity is end­less but the ef­fects are im­me­di­ate and the door­way to deep close­ness be­gins to shut. In weeks the thrill dis­ap­pears and a new sta­tus quo of liv­able

dis­tance is es­tab­lished. Sadly, it is in this state that the ma­jor­ity of com­mit­ted re­la­tion­ships live out their ex­is­tence. Ro­mance and the spe­cial con­nec­tion that it cre­ated are gone and a new sort of tol­er­a­tion takes root and the myth, that romantic love can­not en­dure rules. The prob­lem, con­trary to pop­u­lar opinion, even in­clud­ing those pro­fes­sion­als that should know bet­ter, is not with romantic love and its in­her­ent in­abil­ity to last. The al­most in­evitable loss of the won­der and ec­stasy of romantic love is due to four hereto­fore un­ac­knowl­edged fac­tors: • our in­abil­ity to tol­er­ate ec­stasy and joy • part­ner inequal­ity • im­ma­tu­rity • lack of rad­i­cal in­ti­macy skills The good news is that each of these po­ten­tially de­struc­tive fac­tors can be at­tended to so that a cou­ple can re­dis­cover or res­ur­rect their ex­pe­ri­ence of romantic love and al­low it to be­come the defin­ing con­text for their re­la­tion­ship. If you want a free copy of my pow­er­ful ex­er­cises that help cou­ples ex­plore rad­i­cal in­ti­macy sim­ply email me at DrA@mattcoy­ and put Rad­i­cal In­ti­macy in the sub­ject line. I will send it to you im­me­di­ately.

Rev­erend Matthew An­der­son has a Doc­tor of Min­istry spe­cial­is­ing in coun­selling and has helped many cou­ples and sin­gles with re­la­tion­ship is­sues. His has a best-sell­ing book, The Res­ur­rec­tion of Ro­mance. Con­tact Matthew through his web­site.

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